COMING OUT IN NIGERIA: I Would Lose Everything (Adaeze)

I'm the eldest of four: my sister is 17, and my two brothers are 14 and 15. I live in a single parent home with my mum. Also my aunt (mother's younger sister) lives with us too.

My mum is the oldest and she pressures me to be just like her. All the women in my house are girly, except for me. I like girly crap but I don't go overboard with it like my sister. Oh FYI, my mum compares me to my sister all the time b/c they are very much alike but in truth my mum and I are exactly the same person.

My family is close in that we get into each other’s business but we do our own thing at the same time. I'm the closest with my sister b/c we tell each other almost everything. I can't talk to my mum because we always end up arguing.

During my sophomore year, I told my friends from high school that I was bi, then my sister and lastly, my mum. Oh boy, that was the worst conversation ever!

During the day of my coming out to her, I was very moody then I told her I wanted to talk to her in my room. We sat there for a bit then I burst out crying she hugged me and asked what was wrong and I whimpered that I was bisexual. It was then I felt her stiffen. Although she didn’t say anything, I knew she didn't accept me. Later, she came back screaming that I was “a big fat lesbian!” How could she have a big fat lesbian for a daughter?! It hurt me because she was attacking not only my sexuality but also my weight. I still today have body image issues and by using it against me, it threw me into a deeper depression that I was suffering from since middle school. I tried to kill myself a month after that...

She began to ask if any of my friends were lesbians and so on. None of them were except one who was also bisexual but I didn't tell her that.

That event messed up my relationship with my mum in that I don't tell her anything. I still love her and we talk but I can't trust her anymore. She's been trying to push guys onto me ever since I told her so yeah...

My brothers may or may not know but if they ask me then I'd tell them.

My aunt, sigh, will never know because we don't get along at all. She is very religious in a sort of bad way.

I'm from Nigeria, which is a very religious country where homosexuality is viewed as a sin and can be even be punishable by death in some areas. So I'm afraid that my entire family will disown me so none of them know.

One of my mother's sisters is actually gay but she was harassed so much by my mum's side that she turned to God and married but anyone can look at her and see she is miserable. She actually fell in love with some girl and was planning to run away together but my mum's parents got wind of it and stopped her. She gave birth to my lovely cousin but she is sooo unhappy.

There is one aunt of mine who is like a second mother to me but I'm terrified of coming out to her because if she rejected me I'd be alone in Nigeria.

COMING TO AMERICA: From Nigeria to B*More (Adaeze)

Yo, MD peeps! I grew up in Baltimore County but more like the city. I currently live in Nottingham, it's between Perry Hall and Fullerton. I was born in Nigeria and live there until I was three. My dad came over to the US to do his residency and set up everything so my mum and I can come over. We lived very close to the city until my father died when I was 4 going on 5 then we moved to Nottingham and I've lived there for 14 years and going (until I find my own place).

The Nottingham / Perryhall / Fullerton area is basically a Wal-Mart, Giant, some other stores, and fast food joints kind of place. Nothing to do except go to White Marsh mall.

There isn't much of a gay community but I knew some older gay people.

I went to private school all my life. The topic of homosexuality was never really brought up until high school. I went to an all-girls prep school and to me even though the school seemed conservative being a Catholic all-girls' school, it was somewhat liberal in that there were three lesbian teachers. They weren't open about it but they never really hid the fact that they were gay.

I remember one incident when a nun decided to become an “ex-nun,” or whatever the proper term is, because she used the Church to hide her homosexuality and she wanted to be more open about. She resigned because I believe my school was going to fire her because having an openly gay nun at an all girls’ school? Scandalous!

To me, the majority of the school population was pro-gay everything or didn't care because it wasn't affecting them.

Outside of school, I didn't know how accepting people were because there are still racist people who live around my area but they're all on the down low.

I'm neither proud nor embarrassed about my hometown, which is an hour and some change away from Gettysburg.

When I came to Gettysburg, I felt more comfortable not just with my sexuality but with myself as a whole. My family is very boring, and at Gettysburg I can do so many exciting things.

When I visit home, everything goes back to the way it was pre-Gettysburg. I do nothing but watch my family do nothing.

I'm not out to anyone within my family but my mum and my sister. I don't remember if I told my brothers but the oldest wouldn't care because he respects everyone but the younger thinks the "gays" are yucky. I'm still working on getting him to see the light.

Same situation at Gettysburg. I tell people if they ask me but I haven't told a lot of people.