JiMBO's Hollywood Screen Kiss [Director's Commentary]

To this day, Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss is still one of my all-time favorite GLBT movies, after Mambo Italiano, To Wong Foo, D.E.B.S, and The Broken Hearts Club, of course. Although I do find it strange that Sean Hayes, the title character, has deflected all questions about his sexual orientation. I suppose, after playing a flamboyantly gay character on Will & Grace, he doesn't want to be typecast in only that sort of role.


In his own words, "Being an actor, the less people know about my personal life, the more open-minded they can be about each role I play." I respect that, so long as he remains an ally to the GLBTQ community; but still, we're hard-pressed to find openly gay role models in A-List Hollywood.


And the two friends I was referring to are Janelle and Alexis. Janelle and I have been close friends since elementary school, bonded together by the fact that we were the only two black kids living in Pasadena. My coming out only brought us closer; she had figured it out years ago and was very supportive. We still talk, she was the first to write essay responses for my project, and last night I helped "Nelly" move her girlfriend into a new apartment. Unfortunately, Alexis didn't take it as well as I had hoped, and she and I have lost touch in the past couple of years. She married her high school sweetheart in Hawaii over the summer, and I wish them all the best.







UPDATE: Sean Hayes openly discusses his sexuality for the first time ever in the April 2010 issue of The Advocate!

Everyone, Attack the Atheist! [Movie Transcript]

Jaimie: This one time I wore a pentacle, which is a star inside a circle, around my neck and two people who worked for my high school asked me if that meant I was Jewish! (laughter) And with derisive tones, as if because it meant I was Jewish, that was a bad thing. I'm like, "You're preparing to discriminate against me for being Jewish because I'm wearing a Wiccan pentacle?!"

And here, as an Atheist, I've felt things too. Every time I'll make a comment about--even trying to get religion on the table to discuss, especially religous affiliation in terms of Anti-Gay behavior/using The Bible for things--immediately, I'll be attacked for that. Without even saying anything negative, without even getting there, y'know? I wasn't even given the chance to say something negative! (laughter) So definitely, there is religous discrimination here.

Sorry, I'm Not LIKE THAT! [Movie Transcript]

Miranda: So... I'm sort of Out of the Closet, but not really. It's kind of difficult to be fully Out, I guess, because of my family. I'm not sure how they would take it. I tried twice. And both times, I was shot down pretty quickly.

The first time, my mother said, "Oh, you know, it's just a phase. Don't worry about it." So I just said, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's... just a phase."

And then the second time I tried to be more serious about it. I said, "Mom, listen. There's a girl I like. We have a relationship." And then, I remember, she reached her hands over the counter and took my hands in hers and said, very seriously, "Honey, I think you're possessed by demons." Which struck me as odd because, well, I go to church more than she does.

And I grappled with it at first but I'm totally comfortable with my sexual orientation now and... I don't know. So, I didn't again after that.

But for some reason, I felt more comfortable Coming Out to my school. So I think, most of my school, at least most of the teachers know, but not my family. And here at the college, well, only a small group of people, meaning the ALLiES, know because I'm not really comfortable letting other people know just yet because I usually try to gauge how they feel first, before I actually say anything.

...Though there was one guy who, I guess, was coming on to me. He wanted to start a relationship and I said, "Sorry, I'm like that." (laughs) So, he backed off but he's cool about it. We're friends.

JiMBO's Hollywood Screen Kiss [Movie Transcript]

(Playing ♫ This Is My Song ♫ by Petula Clark)

I know why the world is smiling,
Smiling so tenderly,
It hears the same old story,
Through all eternity




During my senior year of high school, I found a movie called Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, starring Sean Hayes a.k.a. "Jack" from Will & Grace. And I really enjoyed the movie--so much that it inspired me to come out to my two best friends at one of my Halloween parties.



Love, This is My Song
Here is a song,
A serenade to you

I showed them this clip of "The Tuxedo Dance" because I think it's one of the most romantic things I've ever seen on film.

The world cannot be wrong,
If in this world,
There is you.

The Initiation [Director's Commentary]

Well, as you can see, I'm standing in what is now an Overflow Parking lot. In 2005, when I first arrived on the Gettysburg College campus, I was immediately told to report there, but back then it was the Marching Band's Practice Field. I'm pretty sure the College paved over it sometime in '08.


In high school, I had been a prominent member of various Bands as well as the Drama Club, and I cherished the feeling of camaraderie and community I found in those clubs. So it was only natural for me to stick with it when I went to college... even I though I had absolutely NO desire to be a Music major or become a professional Clarinetist. Nope, not for me.


I KNOW, Carson Kressley graduated from Gettysburg! How random is that? Haha, the sad thing is, aside from politician Ron Paul, Carson Kressley (Class of 1991) is the biggest celebrity to come out (literally!) of Gettysburg College. During my freshman year, the college even sponsored a field trip to attend a private NYC party hosted by their beloved Queer Eye guy; President Haley Will, Jaimie Schock ('09), and Hanna Ackerman ('09) were the lucky Gettysburgians in attendance. Apparently, the President got drunk and made an ass of herself at the event... to the shock and awe of ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.


About two months ago, I went back to Gettysburg for the 2009 Gay And Lesbian Alumni reception, hosted by ALLiES. While I was there I had the pleasure of finally meeting someone who had interacted with Carson Kressley during his stint at Gettysburg. His former classmate told us that while Carson was here, he was a quiet transfer student who kept to himself, was not out of the closet, and was not an advocate for Gay Rights. Unlike other people, I wasn't shocked or disappointed... because I had already done my homework eight months prior.


Back in February, I was looking through the SPECTRUM (Yearbook) Archives and I noticed that Carson was not in the 1991 ALLiES club photo... but y'see, that ALLiES photo did not exist! It was a different time, a different political/social climate, and I don't blame him for not being comfortable enough to come out as an openly gay man in college. And for whatever reason, ALLiES was temporarily unavailable and/or insufficient as a support system. As I learned very quickly, in its 24-Year history, ALLiES has always been like a rising phoenix; every 4 or 5 years the group dies out completely only to be resurrected years later by a voracious group of freshmen. In 2005, we were those freshmen.


The summer after high school I often daydreamed about how wonderful college would be, and how I could finally start over with a clean slate, and be 100% honest with my classmates from the very beginning. Undoubtedly, it was a rude awakening when I arrived in Gettysburg only to feel like the ONE gay person on the entire campus. My hometown of Pasadena is a moderately conservative area and yet I had AT LEAST six gay/bi friends in high school. I never imagined that a college campus with students from around the globe would have LESS. It made absolutely no sense to me, so Thank God I met Jai in my creative writing class. Had she not come up to me after hearing my story, The Object of Obsession, I wouldn't have known an on-campus gay community even existed. Back then, it was very underground... literally.

The Initiation [Movie Transcript]

Hi, my name is James. I'm a Senior at Gettysburg College, and this is where our story begins--well, granted four years ago this wasn't a parking lot... but nevertheless, here we go.

I came to Gettysburg College from Pasadena, Maryland. The first thing I did when I got here was join the Marching Band; I had been playing for eight years. However, I was dismayed when I arrived to find that the last gay person to step foot here was Carson Kressley, of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy fame.

Dismayed by the lack of a Gay & Lesbian community here, I threw myself into my writing. After listening to one of my gayer stories, a friend named Jaimie Schock invited me to a meeting later that night. She told me to meet her in the Chapel and I had no idea why. I arrived and she led me down into the basement. And I had no idea where the hell we were going...

(Playing ♫ Over At The Frankstein Place ♫ by Alkaline Trio)
There's a light,
In the darkness of
Every bright life.

IT WAS THE GREATEST COMIC BOOK EVER: It Had Crossdressing and Same-Sex Marriage (Adaeze)

I started out with Japanese manga and anime when I was in 5th grade, I watched Sailor Moon on Cartoon Network. I did not know it was called anime or was Japanese at the time. All I knew was that it was better than the other cartoons on TV. I moved on to watch Yu Yu Hakyusho, Dragon Ball, and Dragon Ball Z on the same channel and watched them uncensored on Adult Swim.

I read my first graphic novel which I thought was the greatest thing ever and read it several times. I still have it and I noticed it had some gay undertones with male crossdressing and male-male marriage. I read my first offical manga in high school, freshmen year. It was called Fake and was a yaoi which is really funny now that I think about it. My first straight anime was Fruits Basket. Manga and Anime really influenced my love for Japan and Japanese culture. It was a major reason why I took Japanese in high school instead of Spanish or French.

I did not find out about yuri until one of my friends told me about it. This was at the time I was struggling with my sexuality and reading yuri, in a way, helped me come to a realization that I'm bisexual. Though I prefer yuri over yaoi because yuri most of the time is drawn to please straight men's fantasy of two women together. There are a few yuri that I have read that actually has a good plotline and goes in-
depth with the relationship instead of straight sex. I prefer shojo-ai ("girl love") instead of yuri ("girl sex") because of that reason but I have read a yuri with a well written plot.

Yaoi and shonen-ai are better written and have developing relationships and multiple situations, it's still written for women because some of the sex scenes are unrealistic, like virgins being penetrated without preparation and saying it felt good when in reality, it hurts like hell.

Overall I love anime and manga because it goes beyond what comics and cartoons offer here. There is even manga about inter-sexed people and lovers with disabilities (they are so cute!). Bascially, there is a genre of manga and anime for everyone but never read shoutacon or lolicon because it has pedophilic content *shudders*

I WOULD JOIN THE ARMY: If I Actually Believed There Were Legitimate Reasons For Fighting (James)

As long as the United States is caught up in unjust warfare around the world, I won't even consider enlisting. However, I will try my best to still support the soldiers, because it's not their fault; they're just doing their job, which is to follow orders.

If the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy was repealed AND if I was 100% sure that we were fighting the correct enemy, then of course, I would want to protect and defend my country. My grandfather, father and some of his brothers, were members of the U.S. Army, but members of my father's generation have drawn parallels between the current situation and the ridiculous Vietnam War, and they've convinced me to avoid the military even more.

I think it's extremely heroic and admirable to see soldiers serving their time and then, coming out of the closet not much later. The fact that they not only fought in the military but that they SURVIVED, shows that gays & lesbians are just as capable on the battlefield, and if GLBT individuals are willing to enlist, then why make them hide their sexual identities?

I could never be an official in a religion which viewed homosexuality as a sin. However, I could understand how some GLBT people would want to show their devotion to God. I admire them for having their own interpretation of God's message, instead of bowing down to a holy institution (eg. the Vatican).

Back in high school, a few of my Catholic friends back home were very friendly with openly-gay students, and they would always say, "Hate the sin, not the sinner," as if they were being profound. It doesn't come out and say it, but it implies that you should hate an essential part of someone: his/her sexuality. It's like saying, "I don't hate YOU personally... I just hate that you date members of your own sex." It's very confusing and hypocritical if you ask me.

Even though I'm not a fan of any organized religion, I would love to embrace my spirituality, express my devotion to a higher power, and train for a position in a Pagan (nature-based worship/ritual) sect.

A SOCIAL DRINKER: If You Do It Alone, THEN You're An Alcoholic! (James)

Once upon a time, I was an extremely happy person, but since arriving at Gettysburg, I think I've become a healthy mix of happy and depressed on given days. Back in high school, my health teacher was alone in thinking that I was manic depressive and recommended I seek help. I've never been diagnosed for depression or prescribed drugs to combat it. However, nearly ALL of my close friends in middle and high school were regularly taking these psychiatric drugs.

By no stretch am I heavy drug user. I drink socially, and smoke, at most, twice a year, and I've never done any "hard" drugs. Typically, I only drink when my friends and I are hanging out... because if you drink alone, then you're an alcoholic. Last semester was the only time when I felt dependent on alcohol to make me feel better; at that time, I was extremely stressed, bitter, and sad, and Smirnoff was there to numb the pain temporarily. It used to be one of the highlights of my week, but now I don't depend on it.

Surprisingly, I've never been in a relationship with a repeat drug user. But I do suspect that one of my exes was depressed because I was constantly finding packets of pills around the room. They might have been Enzyte (the performance enhancer), since that's the only drug he admitted to using.

Typically, when I'm drinking at a party, my current boyfriend would be there as well doing the same, but it's very important to me that I don't MEET people and go home with them when I'm drunk. If I did, then I wouldn't know if I actually like them that much, or if it was just the "beer goggles."

PRIVILEGED INFORMATION: I Don't Tell Anyone Until I Know Him/Her (Adaeze)

I came out to my friends and sister in high school, and then a week later, I told my mom.

I didn't lose any friends, but my family life has changed… a lot. My mother tries to push guys onto me now, and we don't talk to each other as much as we did before.

I don't hide my sexuality. If someone asks if I'm gay, I say yes. Sometimes I joke about it to make others feel a little comfortable.

I don't often initiate the conversation that I am bisexual until I know that person well, but then again, if someone asks, I tell...hehe.

I've told one professor that I'm bisexual...well she guessed ^_^ but other than that unless I'm friends with the professor, I don't tell them much about myself.

I’ve never had to discuss romance in class yet but when if I do I most likely would say “someone” or use third-person pronouns.

PAINFUL AND UNNECESSARY: My Irrational Fear of Coming Out as a SINGLE Gay Man (James)

The first time I admitted to someone I was gay was actually in the 10th grade (2001), I believe. Back then, my friend, known around NHS as “Big Gay John,” and I would IM each other almost every night. On one fateful night, I just had the urge to share the secret with someone. I shared one of my favorite gay porn sites with him, and for a while, it brought us closer... until he pressured me into coming out on a wider scale by playfully teasing me in public. I wasn’t ready to tell everyone, and I refused to come out as a single gay man. That would be pathetic and unnecessary.

The second time I came out was more formal and well thought-out. At my annual Halloween party in 2004, I came out to two of my best friends, Nelly (LF) and Alexis (SF). I pulled them aside and showed them my favorite scene from Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss: the tuxedo waltz between Sean Hayes and Brad Rowe. However, when other friends at school started asking me about it, I retreated back into my bisexual act. I wish I hadn’t just assumed that my friends would keep quiet on the subject… after all, I didn’t tell them that they couldn’t spread the news.

I didn’t come out to my family until the summer of 2007, and it was certainly NOT on my terms. Somehow this gay porn distributor had my home address but my father/brother’s name, so my father saw one of the catalogs. Of course, I’m not stupid enough to have porn sent to my home address, so I’m still in the dark about what really happened. When my dad found this mail, he immediately accused my brother and was even threatening to kick him out of the house, but I stepped up and said it was mine (even though it wasn’t), and my dad just dropped the matter entirely.

In the following days he did pull me aside for short lectures, but he was/is not well-informed enough to do that successfully. This man watches CNN everyday, and yet he believes that all gay men are promiscuous, that HIV/AIDS is a gay disease, and that faith in God would turn me around… even though he is not religious at all. It was all very hypocritical of him to preach to me, and I let him know that LOUD AND CLEAR. He’d ask questions like, “How do you know you’re gay?” And I’d respond, “Well, I’m physically attracted to men, not women. I’ve always been gay but I didn’t fully realize it until puberty.” …And then he would just go back to watching TV.

Although I’m happy that my family was finally allowed to acknowledge what they’d known all along, I do regret that my mother and my sister had to hear it from my father and not from me. Of all people, my mother has always taken a genuine interest in my life, encouraged me to follow my dreams, gotten to know my friends, supported whatever I wanted to do… of all people, she deserved to hear it straight from me.

When I talked to her about it that night, I had to fight the tears because I kept something so big from the most important person in my life. And the tears really started welling up when she told me how she loved me no matter what, and that in her heart, she always knew. My father never admitted that, but he was the main person who made me feel emasculated as a child, the main person who teased for being even remotely feminine, and yet he claimed that he “couldn’t even wrap his head around the idea.” Yeah… right!

I have lost quite a few friends from high school after coming out. However, I think they separated themselves from me because they felt lied to—not because they hate gays. Typically, I’m very comfortable coming out to people I’ve just met. I guess it’s my atonement for all the years I stayed silent. I think the biggest problem on our campus is that not enough people are open and willing to talk about being gay… which has been THE major obstacle in shooting this documentary.

Although I’m very OUT to the openly gay professors and I’m willing to talk to them about my past-and-present relationships both in and out of the classroom, I don’t discuss my homosexuality with the vast majority of the other professors… unless they ask. When topics related to queer theory pop up in class, I usually won’t give a personal example because a) I don’t want to become the “token gay” in the class, and b) I don’t want my personal life to affect my grade positively or negatively. Some professors are more conservative than others, and if I don’t know where they stand, I don’t like to risk it. But I don’t bother switching pronouns if the professor calls on me specifically, because I know everyone in the class has FaceBook, so they already know what I’m into.

SLIGHTLY BISEXUAL: Generally I Pursue Relationships With Men (Tory)

I first questioned my sexuality in 8th grade. I had a wonderful science teacher who was so nice to me and I had a bit of a crush on her. I eventually dismissed it as friendly feelings and nothing more.

In high school I was often attracted to women, including some of my friends, but since I spent my first few years of HS in Virginia, which is still very unaccepting of homosexuality, I ignored it again.

After coming to college and discussing my feelings with both high school and college friends, I understand myself much more. I consider myself slightly bisexual...in general I am attracted to men and pursue relationships with men, but I am also attracted to women, though I do not believe I will ever have a relationship with a woman. I don't usually act on my bisexual feelings, but I comment more about it to people who know me the best.

DISCRETION: TMI, My Friend (Adaeze)

I came out to my friends first during high school, so they were all cool. I hang with guys more than I do with girls, but that’s because I share more interests with my guy friends than my girl friends. I'm a very blunt and open person so I talk about everything. The only person I had to censor myself with was my roommate this past semester, I felt that she might be a little uncomfortable.

I'm a virgin to meeting and dating people so I have nothing to talk about but if I went on a date with a girl and someone asks for the details I would tell them the nitty gritty but if we had sex I wouldn't give all those details I'd just say we had sex, same if I dated some guy. I wouldn't want to know how many sex positions someone and his/her lover did in an hour. All I would ask is if the sex was good, sympathize if it was bad, and that's it! No more please!

HELL FROZEN OVER: Frostburg, Maryland (Bryan)

Frostburg, Maryland is about two hours away from Gettysburg. It's a town a tad smaller than Gettysburg, without a liberal arts college to balance things out in very, very western Maryland. I’ve been there all my life.

“How large was/is the population of openly gay citizens?” If they’re here, I don’t know where they’ve been hiding all my life.

“How accepting were people at my high school?” NOT accepting. Completely homophobic. Frankly, my family and I were concerned that I would be beaten up and alienated if I had come out during high school. Outside of the school, the area’s pretty conservative and homophobic. Given there isn’t even a sizable out population here of “townies,” I would say my town isn’t accepting at all.

I’m not proud of my hometown in the least. In fact, I’m supremely disappointed and truly, truly wish I could have grown up somewhere else.

“Did I come to Gettysburg to "escape" my hometown?” YES, yes, and YES! What kept me going for the past 3 years was the thought of going to college and finally being able to be open and with other GLBT people my age. I know people say that there are very few GLBT students, but compared to knowing NO GLBT students in my high school, Gettysburg is a small paradise.

I didn’t feel safe or comfortable being openly gay in school, and that’s why I didn’t come out there.

Frankly, I hate this town. Minus a few dozen friends and family members, I would be happy to never set foot here again. I tend to get sad and irritated if I’m here too long. I will never live here again. I just can’t… It’s been really hard staying here even over this break [3-week Winter Break]. A huge part of me just wanted to stay on campus and hang out with my international friends. I would have been fine seeing family members and friends for a few days and then leaving. Sadly circumstances prevented me from doing just that.

I’m completely open at Gettysburg. And it’s fucking awesome. I feel totally comfortable in being who I am. For the first time in my life, all my friends know and we can joke about it and everything. It feels pretty amazing, honestly.