Let’s lay it out here... I had depression really bad and most people—not all but most—would never expect it outside of normal pressures and drama. Depression gets the best of me at a lot of points in my life but would be far worse had I not found my true lover... Mary Jane.
I smoke constantly. Sometimes for fun, sometimes to be able to do work, sometimes to clear my head and forget the bullshit that tends to surround me. Its a way to cope in times of trouble and a way to just chill out with my best friends because 90% of them do it too.
I smoke cigarettes like a chimney too. Its a habit at this point and I think its supported by my anxiety. I always need a cigarette in my hand when I’m walking round campus to keep my hands busy. Otherwise I’m constantly fidgeting. But at this point in my life, it's just an addiction and part of my routine I wish I never had began.
.... And caffeine is my lifeline (James, you know, you just saw me buy 3 Rockstars haha). I don't think it’s an addiction as much as it is I have a high tolerance for caffeine. But there are days I can't get through without my Monster or Rockstar.
I've never dated anyone who did anything more than smoke bud while I was with them. My ex was a cokehead for a minute but that ended before I even met her. There was always a fear she'd go back to her old ways but she proved me wrong and stayed away from drugs. In our case, pot was the reason we stayed together so long I feel. Fights would become meaningless after a couple hits of a blunt and we'd be best friends in an instant.
Showing posts with label Drugs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drugs. Show all posts
9.06.2009
I DATED AN ADDICT: To Say "I Was Pressured To Join In" Would Be An Understatement! (Nelly)
It's not so much happy as content/restless. I've never been told I'm depressed or anything like that, nor have I ever had to take anything to manage my moods. I'm sure there's probably something a tiny bit off with me, but nothing a good night's rest and the occasional rant on LiveJournal won't fix. I'm one of James' friends that never had to take anti-depressants, so lucky me! haha. He *is* right though; quite a few of our crew were taking psychiatric drugs.
I've never felt dependent upon any substance, except maybe chocolate. That's my comfort food, really. Chocolate and ice cream. I drink, I smoke a few times a year, I smoke hookah with a friend on occasion (we've jokingly called it our Hookah Therapy sessions). I've tried marijuana before, and have been high before as well, but that's the most of it. No "hard" drugs or anything like that. Lately I've been craving an escape, but I know getting high won't help at all, so I'm trying to shake the feeling.
I was in a relationship with someone who was, and probably still is, a stoner. She was the person I first tried weed with as well. She was a lot of firsts for me, and we definitely got into arguments about how much she smoked; I didn't like how she seemed to be high almost daily, and how I always worried about how she might move on to harder drugs. A few years ago she told me she was dropping acid, so I felt powerless to stop her. Now though, I'm pretty sure she's still just getting high, which is a relief. To say I was pressured to join in would be an understatement; she wore down my resolve one night when I took her to a party after one of her shows. I did about a three-month stint with a couple other friends of mine after we broke up, just to see if I could figure out why she did it, but it didn't work, was getting expensive, and I just didn't feel like myself anymore.
But drug use was never the reason for any of my breakups, interestingly enough. I never drank with any of my girlfriends either; with the drug-using one, I hated beer and had to drive us back that night; the other two are two years younger than me. I've been drunk a handful of times recently, and know I won't go home with anyone at all. Typically, that’s because I'm surrounded by straight people at the parties, and partially because I know better.
I've never felt dependent upon any substance, except maybe chocolate. That's my comfort food, really. Chocolate and ice cream. I drink, I smoke a few times a year, I smoke hookah with a friend on occasion (we've jokingly called it our Hookah Therapy sessions). I've tried marijuana before, and have been high before as well, but that's the most of it. No "hard" drugs or anything like that. Lately I've been craving an escape, but I know getting high won't help at all, so I'm trying to shake the feeling.
I was in a relationship with someone who was, and probably still is, a stoner. She was the person I first tried weed with as well. She was a lot of firsts for me, and we definitely got into arguments about how much she smoked; I didn't like how she seemed to be high almost daily, and how I always worried about how she might move on to harder drugs. A few years ago she told me she was dropping acid, so I felt powerless to stop her. Now though, I'm pretty sure she's still just getting high, which is a relief. To say I was pressured to join in would be an understatement; she wore down my resolve one night when I took her to a party after one of her shows. I did about a three-month stint with a couple other friends of mine after we broke up, just to see if I could figure out why she did it, but it didn't work, was getting expensive, and I just didn't feel like myself anymore.
But drug use was never the reason for any of my breakups, interestingly enough. I never drank with any of my girlfriends either; with the drug-using one, I hated beer and had to drive us back that night; the other two are two years younger than me. I've been drunk a handful of times recently, and know I won't go home with anyone at all. Typically, that’s because I'm surrounded by straight people at the parties, and partially because I know better.
A SOCIAL DRINKER: If You Do It Alone, THEN You're An Alcoholic! (James)
Once upon a time, I was an extremely happy person, but since arriving at Gettysburg, I think I've become a healthy mix of happy and depressed on given days. Back in high school, my health teacher was alone in thinking that I was manic depressive and recommended I seek help. I've never been diagnosed for depression or prescribed drugs to combat it. However, nearly ALL of my close friends in middle and high school were regularly taking these psychiatric drugs.
By no stretch am I heavy drug user. I drink socially, and smoke, at most, twice a year, and I've never done any "hard" drugs. Typically, I only drink when my friends and I are hanging out... because if you drink alone, then you're an alcoholic. Last semester was the only time when I felt dependent on alcohol to make me feel better; at that time, I was extremely stressed, bitter, and sad, and Smirnoff was there to numb the pain temporarily. It used to be one of the highlights of my week, but now I don't depend on it.
Surprisingly, I've never been in a relationship with a repeat drug user. But I do suspect that one of my exes was depressed because I was constantly finding packets of pills around the room. They might have been Enzyte (the performance enhancer), since that's the only drug he admitted to using.
Typically, when I'm drinking at a party, my current boyfriend would be there as well doing the same, but it's very important to me that I don't MEET people and go home with them when I'm drunk. If I did, then I wouldn't know if I actually like them that much, or if it was just the "beer goggles."
By no stretch am I heavy drug user. I drink socially, and smoke, at most, twice a year, and I've never done any "hard" drugs. Typically, I only drink when my friends and I are hanging out... because if you drink alone, then you're an alcoholic. Last semester was the only time when I felt dependent on alcohol to make me feel better; at that time, I was extremely stressed, bitter, and sad, and Smirnoff was there to numb the pain temporarily. It used to be one of the highlights of my week, but now I don't depend on it.
Surprisingly, I've never been in a relationship with a repeat drug user. But I do suspect that one of my exes was depressed because I was constantly finding packets of pills around the room. They might have been Enzyte (the performance enhancer), since that's the only drug he admitted to using.
Typically, when I'm drinking at a party, my current boyfriend would be there as well doing the same, but it's very important to me that I don't MEET people and go home with them when I'm drunk. If I did, then I wouldn't know if I actually like them that much, or if it was just the "beer goggles."
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