JiMBO's Hollywood Screen Kiss [Director's Commentary]

To this day, Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss is still one of my all-time favorite GLBT movies, after Mambo Italiano, To Wong Foo, D.E.B.S, and The Broken Hearts Club, of course. Although I do find it strange that Sean Hayes, the title character, has deflected all questions about his sexual orientation. I suppose, after playing a flamboyantly gay character on Will & Grace, he doesn't want to be typecast in only that sort of role.


In his own words, "Being an actor, the less people know about my personal life, the more open-minded they can be about each role I play." I respect that, so long as he remains an ally to the GLBTQ community; but still, we're hard-pressed to find openly gay role models in A-List Hollywood.


And the two friends I was referring to are Janelle and Alexis. Janelle and I have been close friends since elementary school, bonded together by the fact that we were the only two black kids living in Pasadena. My coming out only brought us closer; she had figured it out years ago and was very supportive. We still talk, she was the first to write essay responses for my project, and last night I helped "Nelly" move her girlfriend into a new apartment. Unfortunately, Alexis didn't take it as well as I had hoped, and she and I have lost touch in the past couple of years. She married her high school sweetheart in Hawaii over the summer, and I wish them all the best.







UPDATE: Sean Hayes openly discusses his sexuality for the first time ever in the April 2010 issue of The Advocate!

In Retrospect, Getting Married Wasn't The Wisest Decision [Movie Transcript]

Professor Reitsma: I grew up in a very religious environment, which meant I fought very hard NOT to be gay: I got married, had a child, which complicated the whole Coming Out thing. Although I should make it clear that my son's mother was quite aware that I was gay before we got married. ..Yeah. (laughter) And I went along with it because she said, "You can be gay and still be a dad," and I wanted to be a dad, "Well, you can still be gay and be with me," which I thought was actually pretty cool, at the time. In retrospect, that was not the wisest of choices I could have made. On the other hand, I don't regret having my son. It's just, certain decisions have made my life more complicated.

I understand why it's hard for people to Come Out. Growing up the way I did, it was very hard. It meant saying Goodbye to pretty much your whole family and everyone you grew up with. I have no contact with anyone I grew up with, with the exception of my 93-year-old grandmother... who has met my boyfriend. My mother has come around and so have my immediate siblings. But other than that, all my cousins, the whole environment I grew up in, I have no contact with anymore.

I've Known Since I Met You, HAVE YOU MET YOU?! [Director's Commentary]

Yes, I'm one of those people who had the pleasure of meeting Bill back in 2005, when he was not only in the closet but homophobic. Like most people, I knew he was gay the moment we met but when I learned that he wasn't anywhere close to coming out, I didn't really try to be his friend. After some humiliating experiences with "closet cases," I found it best to simply avoid them altogether, especially if they poke fun at gays in order to affirm their heterosexuality. Along with the older ALLiES members, I was happy to put the past behind us and welcome Bill into the group during our senior year; he has become extremely comfortable with his sexuality, and I'm proud of him for being honest with himself and everyone else.


I understand Bill's predicament; for most of us, our families have acted as barriers, preventing us from coming out to everyone. In my house, my father didn't show much hostility towards gay people; he just had the attitude that they didn't really exist and if they did, they only lived in segmented parts of urban areas like NYC. Coming from a socially and politically conservative family, I can imagine that he's had a much harder time gaining full acceptance from them. To this day, he still identifies as a die-hard Republican, and I would chock that up to family influence.

The Importance of Being OUT [Director's Commentary]

Sean and I met at the first ALLiES meeting of 2007, and ever since then he's had a Love-Hate relationship with the group; he believes in being discreet about his sexuality and devote most his efforts to other advocacy groups like the NAACP. He and I have had at least one epic public argument over issues like openness, pride, and a responsibility to the community. One year later, we were able to put aside our differences for this interview, and much to my surprise, his views have changed, I found myself agreeing with some of his responses, and we've kept in touch regularly via FaceBook.


Although I would never call it "a sexual decision," I agree that it is important for people to come out of the Closet, not just for themselves but also for the sake of the community. I think that honesty is always the best policy, and Coming Out lifts a huge burden off one's shoulders--no longer having to hide their desires or switch pronouns in conversation.



And as Sean pointed out, being Out does limit your job opportunities, especially if the company and/or its investors are conservative. The sad truth is that in many states, it's still perfectly legal to fire someone because of their sexual orientation. In fact, two years ago ALLiES participated in a letter writing campaign to get the Employment Non-Discrimination Act through Congress.

When You're Bisexual, You're Hated By Both Sides! [Movie Transcript]

Melissa: Definitely, I think it is really important for me to talk about being bisexual, because basically... you're hated by EVERYONE. I've had gay and lesbian people tell me to my face that they would never date me, because they said, flat out, I would screw around with other people. And y'know, I would cheat on them and ultimately leave them for someone of the opposite sex. Which isn't true. So, you kind of get it on both sides.

In terms of Coming Out, I think it's probably a little bit easier to Come Out as bisexual. My mom was like, "Yeah. I knew. (laughter) You went to Gay Camp." (laughter) I think it's a little bit easier, at least in my personal experience. I can't speak for everyone.

James: So, do you think that your mom hopes you'll end up with a man or...?

Melissa: I think, maybe when I first came out, she actually mentioned, "Oh, you know. Maybe it's just a phase," which really pissed me off. (laughter) But I think now she really doesn't care. I think the only reason she would want me to end up with a guy is because she knows it would be easier for me in society.

But my mom is so super open and supportive of me. And she has more gay friends than I do. (laughter) She goes out to gay bars with her friends. So, yeah, she's really supportive. I don't feel at all that my mom is pushing me to end up with a guy.

I Prefer The KINSEY Scale [Movie Transcript]

Beth: You know the KINSEY Scale?

James: M'hmm.

Beth: 'Cause that's more fluid.

James: Yeah.

Beth: Not sure if "fluid" is the right word, but it's not so...

James: Black and white?

Beth: Yeah, (gestures) you're this and you're this. Because that's confusing.

James: So you identify as... "still trying to figure it out?"

Beth: Yeah, like leaning closer toward--I say I'm bi, and I put on my Facebook profile that I'm interested in men and women, because that's the truth. But at the same time, when I say I'm bisexual, I think of other people I know who are bisexual and I think, "Oh, I'm not anything like them."

But then I realize, I'm not much like people, in general. I don't really identify with girls that much--I'm not saying I'm not a girl--I think it's because I have Asperger's and that makes me different from a lot of people. I can't identify or empathize with people as easily, so sometimes I just can't relate to things so... that's probably why it's more strange to identify with things.

Sorry, I'm Not LIKE THAT! [Movie Transcript]

Miranda: So... I'm sort of Out of the Closet, but not really. It's kind of difficult to be fully Out, I guess, because of my family. I'm not sure how they would take it. I tried twice. And both times, I was shot down pretty quickly.

The first time, my mother said, "Oh, you know, it's just a phase. Don't worry about it." So I just said, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's... just a phase."

And then the second time I tried to be more serious about it. I said, "Mom, listen. There's a girl I like. We have a relationship." And then, I remember, she reached her hands over the counter and took my hands in hers and said, very seriously, "Honey, I think you're possessed by demons." Which struck me as odd because, well, I go to church more than she does.

And I grappled with it at first but I'm totally comfortable with my sexual orientation now and... I don't know. So, I didn't again after that.

But for some reason, I felt more comfortable Coming Out to my school. So I think, most of my school, at least most of the teachers know, but not my family. And here at the college, well, only a small group of people, meaning the ALLiES, know because I'm not really comfortable letting other people know just yet because I usually try to gauge how they feel first, before I actually say anything.

...Though there was one guy who, I guess, was coming on to me. He wanted to start a relationship and I said, "Sorry, I'm like that." (laughs) So, he backed off but he's cool about it. We're friends.

We Shouldn't Shove It Down People's Throats [Movie Transcript]

Mark: It doesn't say on my FaceBook profile outright that I like men, but it says it in my Music likes. So if people actually want to know more about me, they would read my profile.

James: Wait, what did you say?

Mark: It says in my Music likes, pretty much. Because I like Britney Spears. And a lot of female pop artists. (laughs) But if people ask, I will tell them about my sexuality and I won't deny my sexual orientation.

I believe that the gay community might be better off if we don't shove it down people's throats because this would allow the Religious Right and other homophobic people more time to gradually adjust. So if they get to know us first as people, rather than as the stereotypes being promoted like in San Francisco where they have all sorts of Pride Parades. For some people, that's all they know about gays.

So it'd be nice if they got to know us before they found out about our sexual orientation.

The Importance of Being OUT [Movie Transcript]

Sean: It is essential to be Out. I feel that, especially in today's generation, it's very difficult to tell your friends, it's very difficult to tell your family members but it's important to be Out. Most importantly to yourself.

I feel that "being gay," as we call it, is a lifestyle: it's not just a sexual decision, as some may feel. It impacts every aspect of your life: what job you get, where you live, the people you interact with. So being Out is very important.

It takes time. For some people, it takes a long, long time to Come Out to themselves, so then they can tell the people in their lives. But it's so important to be Out and to be comfortable with who you are and how you're living your life.

I've Known Since I Met You, HAVE YOU MET YOU?! [Movie Transcript]

Bill: OK, so my Coming Out was a little bit later than most people's. I didn't come out until I was 20. It was the end of my sophomore year of college.

I think I've known that I was gay probably since I was 7th grade, because I just kinda knew I liked boys. But I never really want to admit it to myself because I didn't want to be different. And I was also raised in a homophobic household where my dad constantly told me that gay people were less than everyone else, so I didn't want to be apart of that.

So I just repressed it within me until I came to college, at the end of my sophomore year. I first came out to one of my friends here and told her. I said, "I think I'm gay." And she goes, "Yeah... I've known that since I met you. HAVE YOU MET YOU? It's pretty obvious that you are!" So I was like, "Alright."

And I learned to accept myself pretty quickly, so I was happy with that. How I realized I was gay? I had a guy friend who was just my friend but I realized that, to me, he was more than a friend. I was really attracted to him. ...Nothing ever happened but it did get me to Come Out.

On the Gettysburg campus, a lot of people think that it's a really homophobic school but I haven't really had any problems. I'm out to all of my friends here. And I would say that I'm completely Out. If anyone ever asked me, I would always tell them. I don't just volunteer it... without there being a reason for me to tell somebody I'm gay usually. But I would say I'm totally Out.

At home... not so much. Both my parents know but they've asked me not to tell any other family members because, I guess, it'll embarrass them. So I haven't told any other family members.

So yeah, my Coming Out was definitely stressful because I knew it was going to be a tough issue at home. My mom's OK with it now, but for my dad, it's definitely tough for him. So I try to be understanding to the fact that he doesn't really accept it, but it's kinda hard.

JiMBO's Hollywood Screen Kiss [Movie Transcript]

(Playing ♫ This Is My Song ♫ by Petula Clark)

I know why the world is smiling,
Smiling so tenderly,
It hears the same old story,
Through all eternity




During my senior year of high school, I found a movie called Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, starring Sean Hayes a.k.a. "Jack" from Will & Grace. And I really enjoyed the movie--so much that it inspired me to come out to my two best friends at one of my Halloween parties.



Love, This is My Song
Here is a song,
A serenade to you

I showed them this clip of "The Tuxedo Dance" because I think it's one of the most romantic things I've ever seen on film.

The world cannot be wrong,
If in this world,
There is you.

ON MY GAYDAR: Not Everyone's OUT Of The Closet (Bill) [DELETED SCENE]

So one really difficult thing about dating in the gay world is dealing with closeted people. Gay people have GAYdar: We know when someone's gay, we're not stupid, we can figure this out pretty quickly.

I had a friend, and I knew he was gay. We hung out a lot and became really good friends and I became really attracted, but he was still trying to hold onto the fact that he was straight. He still is today.

I mean, maybe he is gay, maybe he is not, but it plays with gay people's minds a little bit when they have straight friends who they're attracted to because they can't have them. Although they've made this great emotional connection with them and feel like he/she's possibly their soulmate, they don't even have a shot! And it's really difficult because you can totally fall in love with someone and they're not even the right sexual orientation for you to be together.

So I think that's a challenge for a lot of gay people and it definitely has been a challenge for me at least twice.

I WAS KNOWN AS "THE LESBIAN ON CAMPUS": At Least It Was Exposure To Some People (Celia)

I came out my sophomore year and joined Allies right away. There was one or two other OUT students that I knew of.

In college, I didn't really care about being out. I sort of immediately became the president of Allies and did a lot of stuff around campus. People I dated came to school and I held hands with them while we were walking around. I did get a lot of crap from people, but so many people were really supportive as well. It was sad to be known as “the Lesbian on campus”—before people really knew me, that is—but it was nice to know that it was exposure to some people, I guess.

I’m really curious about how accepting campus is now. I’ve visited and it was so nice to have the ALLiES gathering [the GALA Reception] over Homecoming [2007], where I got to meet many of you. I remember doing that once when I was in Allies and we had a couple come in. Always a small group, but it's so nice just to gather and share stories.

I wasn't as politically minded back then- and I really didn't know much about anything at all. I didn't really have any role models as far as learning about politics relating to GLBT issues. Sadly, I didn't do as much with Allies as I would have liked (in retrospect anyway)—but at least it was going and we did a few things... it wasn't until I moved to DC that I learned things and met up with different types of people and really learned more.

I live in DC now—have been here for 6 years. I’d definitely want to buy a house, get married, have children, etc.

GETTYSBURGIANS ARE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE: No One Ever Said Anything To My Face (James)

Even though I'm from a predominantly White area (Pasadena, MD), I didn't experience an intense feeling of racial discrimination. The first time I actually realized I was different from my classmates was in the 1st grade when a kid yelled, "You're out, Black boy!" during a heated game of Kickball... my older brother kicked his ass the next morning, and it never happened again.

Other than that, no one has ever said anything racist TO MY FACE. The closest anyone has ever come has been shouting slurs from a speeding pick-up truck. In that sense, there are more outspoken bigots back home than there are at Gettysburg College.

Almost my entire life, I've been a very thin guy and I've been teased relentlessly about it by family, friends, and even strangers. What can I say? I ran track, did gymnastics, danced, practiced vegetarianism, and was constantly training to be stunt double... of course, I'm thin and toned! As the doctors have all told my parents, I'm in optimal health. I've always body image issues and only recently have I told my friends how much their comments (no matter how loving) really hurt me.

Surprisingly, I have never really encountered discrimination based on my sexuality, mainly because I didn't come out until my senior year of high school. At Gettysburg College, I find that everyone, in general, is passive-aggressive and prefers to say things behind each other's backs. I've felt accepted here, mostly because I tried to be upfront and honest from the very beginning.

Not until I came to Gettysburg had I even encountered people from the upper middle class and above. And typically, I don't associate with them because I don't believe that they take their education as seriously as those of us who are here on academic scholarships.

Whenever I hear about some Right Wing idiot trying to take away the rights of law-abiding gay citizens, I get extremely upset and am very likely to join an online protest, donate to an advocacy group, etc. Similarly, if there's been a gay bashing at a school, I will somehow acknowledge it, and bitch about it with my friends. However, when it's an isolated incident like that, I'm not as likely to take extreme action.

As you can guess, I identify myself as 1) Male, 2) Gay, 3) Black, 4) Educated, 5) Pagan, and 6) Middle Class.

I've been an active member of ALLiES (Gay-Straight Alliance) since my freshman year. Jai [Schock] initiated me, because we had Creative Writing together, and one of my stories had gay characters... even though it wasn't made obvious. I'm in ALLiES because I want to do everything I can to "fight the good fight," and make sure that future generations will live in a world of GLBT equality.

I WAS a member of the NAACP during my freshman year, as well. However, the group was extremely disorganized and never got anything done at meetings. Being an anal-retentive person, it really bugged me and I never came back.

I'm also a member of the GAIA Pagan Society, which is a nice forum for people who don't exclusively practice Christianity. It's comforting to have a group where people, gay and straight, can discuss spirituality and participate in religious rituals.

I HAD A HOMOPHOBIC ROOMMATE: She Refused To Watch RENT and Tila Tequila (Tory)

Freshman year I lived with a girl I would consider homophobic. She never said anything specific about why or anything. I've never even heard her say anything negative about homosexuality, but she refused to watch Rent or A Shot at Love just because homosexuality was a topic and gay people were involved. She's still one of my close friends, but needless to say, I will not be bringing her over to Allies house... We did have some tension because of this, but generally I avoiding bringing up the subject since we had a great relationship otherwise.

Sophomore year my roommate was bisexual, but only out to a small number of people on campus, because she thought her teammates would not approve. Since living with her she has come out, and is now living with my Freshman year roommate (as of last week)...so this should be an interesting situation.

I DON'T SWITCH PRONOUNS: If You Can't Accept the SHE, Then You Don't Deserve To Hear My Story! (Katelin)

Sophomore year of college, I first came out. The first person I told was my friend from home, the one I thought would take it best and be able to help me. She said "I knew it," and that was pretty much it. After that, it was a snowball effect. I felt so liberated. People actually liked me still. I lost no real friends from it, and I could be myself, which is HUGE. One of the things I’m proud of myself for is the ability to be myself and truthfully not care what anyone thinks, especially on Gettysburg campus... How you gonna hate on me when you rockin’ mini-skirts with Ugg boots?

I've told my mother I'm gay… She told me I wasn't. I never told my father or brother. They must know to some degree, but I honestly don't feel like they deserve to know. Both are conservative assholes sometimes. To keep my sanity, I've just decided they don’t need to know.

Oddly enough though, my mom and I used to talk about gay rights all the time when she thought I was just a “friend-o-gays.” Now, she shuts the topic down as soon as she can. What can i say? My mother loves Bill O'Reilly.

I don't introduce myself as “Katelin the LESBIAN,” but everyone figures it out. I'm butch, dyke, AG, whatever you want to call me, so it’s kinda hard to miss.

As proud as I am of who I've become... there's just some places where you can't be gay. This summer, I had an internship out in NYC. I had to dress up like a girl, carry a purse... it completely wasn't me. I felt part of my soul being drained every morning when I would put these “femme” clothes on. I would run home and put basketball shorts on and my NO BITCH ASS NESS shirt with some Jordans and run outside to The Village to go be gay and prance around.

Anyone my age, my peers, can know I'm gay. When my safety or my family's safety are in jeopardy, I will remain quiet though.

Haha, in class, I don't advertise myself as the gay chick, except my creative writing class I took. I wrote about lesbians because I know about lesbians. I wasn't ashamed. I would never pretend I’m not gay, as I said, it’s obvious for the most part that I am. I never ever have changed pronouns. I would rather not talk about what I was going to say if I need to disrespect my girlfriend by calling her a him. If you can't accept the SHE, then you don't deserve to hear my story!

MY SO-CALLED BISEXUALTY: Generally I Don't Act On It (Tory)

There are very few people that know about my slight bisexuality. Though I don't think it would be a big deal, I don't feel the urge to tell many people since it's not something I generally act on or plan on pursuing.

PRIVILEGED INFORMATION: I Don't Tell Anyone Until I Know Him/Her (Adaeze)

I came out to my friends and sister in high school, and then a week later, I told my mom.

I didn't lose any friends, but my family life has changed… a lot. My mother tries to push guys onto me now, and we don't talk to each other as much as we did before.

I don't hide my sexuality. If someone asks if I'm gay, I say yes. Sometimes I joke about it to make others feel a little comfortable.

I don't often initiate the conversation that I am bisexual until I know that person well, but then again, if someone asks, I tell...hehe.

I've told one professor that I'm bisexual...well she guessed ^_^ but other than that unless I'm friends with the professor, I don't tell them much about myself.

I’ve never had to discuss romance in class yet but when if I do I most likely would say “someone” or use third-person pronouns.

PAINFUL AND UNNECESSARY: My Irrational Fear of Coming Out as a SINGLE Gay Man (James)

The first time I admitted to someone I was gay was actually in the 10th grade (2001), I believe. Back then, my friend, known around NHS as “Big Gay John,” and I would IM each other almost every night. On one fateful night, I just had the urge to share the secret with someone. I shared one of my favorite gay porn sites with him, and for a while, it brought us closer... until he pressured me into coming out on a wider scale by playfully teasing me in public. I wasn’t ready to tell everyone, and I refused to come out as a single gay man. That would be pathetic and unnecessary.

The second time I came out was more formal and well thought-out. At my annual Halloween party in 2004, I came out to two of my best friends, Nelly (LF) and Alexis (SF). I pulled them aside and showed them my favorite scene from Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss: the tuxedo waltz between Sean Hayes and Brad Rowe. However, when other friends at school started asking me about it, I retreated back into my bisexual act. I wish I hadn’t just assumed that my friends would keep quiet on the subject… after all, I didn’t tell them that they couldn’t spread the news.

I didn’t come out to my family until the summer of 2007, and it was certainly NOT on my terms. Somehow this gay porn distributor had my home address but my father/brother’s name, so my father saw one of the catalogs. Of course, I’m not stupid enough to have porn sent to my home address, so I’m still in the dark about what really happened. When my dad found this mail, he immediately accused my brother and was even threatening to kick him out of the house, but I stepped up and said it was mine (even though it wasn’t), and my dad just dropped the matter entirely.

In the following days he did pull me aside for short lectures, but he was/is not well-informed enough to do that successfully. This man watches CNN everyday, and yet he believes that all gay men are promiscuous, that HIV/AIDS is a gay disease, and that faith in God would turn me around… even though he is not religious at all. It was all very hypocritical of him to preach to me, and I let him know that LOUD AND CLEAR. He’d ask questions like, “How do you know you’re gay?” And I’d respond, “Well, I’m physically attracted to men, not women. I’ve always been gay but I didn’t fully realize it until puberty.” …And then he would just go back to watching TV.

Although I’m happy that my family was finally allowed to acknowledge what they’d known all along, I do regret that my mother and my sister had to hear it from my father and not from me. Of all people, my mother has always taken a genuine interest in my life, encouraged me to follow my dreams, gotten to know my friends, supported whatever I wanted to do… of all people, she deserved to hear it straight from me.

When I talked to her about it that night, I had to fight the tears because I kept something so big from the most important person in my life. And the tears really started welling up when she told me how she loved me no matter what, and that in her heart, she always knew. My father never admitted that, but he was the main person who made me feel emasculated as a child, the main person who teased for being even remotely feminine, and yet he claimed that he “couldn’t even wrap his head around the idea.” Yeah… right!

I have lost quite a few friends from high school after coming out. However, I think they separated themselves from me because they felt lied to—not because they hate gays. Typically, I’m very comfortable coming out to people I’ve just met. I guess it’s my atonement for all the years I stayed silent. I think the biggest problem on our campus is that not enough people are open and willing to talk about being gay… which has been THE major obstacle in shooting this documentary.

Although I’m very OUT to the openly gay professors and I’m willing to talk to them about my past-and-present relationships both in and out of the classroom, I don’t discuss my homosexuality with the vast majority of the other professors… unless they ask. When topics related to queer theory pop up in class, I usually won’t give a personal example because a) I don’t want to become the “token gay” in the class, and b) I don’t want my personal life to affect my grade positively or negatively. Some professors are more conservative than others, and if I don’t know where they stand, I don’t like to risk it. But I don’t bother switching pronouns if the professor calls on me specifically, because I know everyone in the class has FaceBook, so they already know what I’m into.

CARETAKER: I Always Wanted To Be the "Man" in the Relationship (Nelly)

The first time I had homosexual thoughts was when I was a little girl I suppose. I didn't know what it was, but I always wanted to be the "man" in a relationship and told my best friend at the time I was gonna marry her when I got older. It took me a while to figure it out, yes. I didn't realize I was probably gay until I was in 8th grade. I was sure that year because I wanted to be as close to this sixth grader as I possibly could be for a while. And there was this one dance I went to..... yeahhhhh....

I'm sure other people knew I was gay before I knew. My mom told me she knew before I knew. I'm sure most of my friends knew before I did. And it made it a whole lot easier to come out because most of them didn't even bat an eye when I came to school one day with my "I Kiss Girls" t-shirt on.

Sometimes I question my identity. I mean, after numerous failed relationships I think I may be more asexual than an actual lesbian, especially because I'm not a big fan of sex... for various reasons.