I feel like I was at Gettysburg during a really interesting time of transition...I graduated in 2006, just as a large group of underclassmen were starting to be a lot more active in allies and the political scene. I know when I started going to Allies meetings freshman year, there were about 3 other people going and it was all very hush-hush (or at least that's how I perceived it...) and we really had to pull teeth in order to get people to even show up. It seemed like there was still a lot of fear in even being associated with Allies. Coming from Vermont, I was surprised with how conservative and intolerant gBurg was - I know a couple of kids my freshman and sophomore years were getting some really awful stuff posted on their dorm-room doors, etc.
In my senior year, a pretty big group of active and fantastic freshmen and sophomores started to come in and shake things up. I feel like things really took a turn at that point, and Allies became more active and a little more pro-active in organizing events. I haven't really been back, so I don't know how that played out, but it seems like things are getting better...
9.07.2009
I WAS KNOWN AS "THE LESBIAN ON CAMPUS": At Least It Was Exposure To Some People (Celia)
I came out my sophomore year and joined Allies right away. There was one or two other OUT students that I knew of.
In college, I didn't really care about being out. I sort of immediately became the president of Allies and did a lot of stuff around campus. People I dated came to school and I held hands with them while we were walking around. I did get a lot of crap from people, but so many people were really supportive as well. It was sad to be known as “the Lesbian on campus”—before people really knew me, that is—but it was nice to know that it was exposure to some people, I guess.
I’m really curious about how accepting campus is now. I’ve visited and it was so nice to have the ALLiES gathering [the GALA Reception] over Homecoming [2007], where I got to meet many of you. I remember doing that once when I was in Allies and we had a couple come in. Always a small group, but it's so nice just to gather and share stories.
I wasn't as politically minded back then- and I really didn't know much about anything at all. I didn't really have any role models as far as learning about politics relating to GLBT issues. Sadly, I didn't do as much with Allies as I would have liked (in retrospect anyway)—but at least it was going and we did a few things... it wasn't until I moved to DC that I learned things and met up with different types of people and really learned more.
I live in DC now—have been here for 6 years. I’d definitely want to buy a house, get married, have children, etc.
In college, I didn't really care about being out. I sort of immediately became the president of Allies and did a lot of stuff around campus. People I dated came to school and I held hands with them while we were walking around. I did get a lot of crap from people, but so many people were really supportive as well. It was sad to be known as “the Lesbian on campus”—before people really knew me, that is—but it was nice to know that it was exposure to some people, I guess.
I’m really curious about how accepting campus is now. I’ve visited and it was so nice to have the ALLiES gathering [the GALA Reception] over Homecoming [2007], where I got to meet many of you. I remember doing that once when I was in Allies and we had a couple come in. Always a small group, but it's so nice just to gather and share stories.
I wasn't as politically minded back then- and I really didn't know much about anything at all. I didn't really have any role models as far as learning about politics relating to GLBT issues. Sadly, I didn't do as much with Allies as I would have liked (in retrospect anyway)—but at least it was going and we did a few things... it wasn't until I moved to DC that I learned things and met up with different types of people and really learned more.
I live in DC now—have been here for 6 years. I’d definitely want to buy a house, get married, have children, etc.
IT WAS THE GREATEST COMIC BOOK EVER: It Had Crossdressing and Same-Sex Marriage (Adaeze)
I started out with Japanese manga and anime when I was in 5th grade, I watched Sailor Moon on Cartoon Network. I did not know it was called anime or was Japanese at the time. All I knew was that it was better than the other cartoons on TV. I moved on to watch Yu Yu Hakyusho, Dragon Ball, and Dragon Ball Z on the same channel and watched them uncensored on Adult Swim.
I read my first graphic novel which I thought was the greatest thing ever and read it several times. I still have it and I noticed it had some gay undertones with male crossdressing and male-male marriage. I read my first offical manga in high school, freshmen year. It was called Fake and was a yaoi which is really funny now that I think about it. My first straight anime was Fruits Basket. Manga and Anime really influenced my love for Japan and Japanese culture. It was a major reason why I took Japanese in high school instead of Spanish or French.
I did not find out about yuri until one of my friends told me about it. This was at the time I was struggling with my sexuality and reading yuri, in a way, helped me come to a realization that I'm bisexual. Though I prefer yuri over yaoi because yuri most of the time is drawn to please straight men's fantasy of two women together. There are a few yuri that I have read that actually has a good plotline and goes in-
depth with the relationship instead of straight sex. I prefer shojo-ai ("girl love") instead of yuri ("girl sex") because of that reason but I have read a yuri with a well written plot.
Yaoi and shonen-ai are better written and have developing relationships and multiple situations, it's still written for women because some of the sex scenes are unrealistic, like virgins being penetrated without preparation and saying it felt good when in reality, it hurts like hell.
Overall I love anime and manga because it goes beyond what comics and cartoons offer here. There is even manga about inter-sexed people and lovers with disabilities (they are so cute!). Bascially, there is a genre of manga and anime for everyone but never read shoutacon or lolicon because it has pedophilic content *shudders*
I read my first graphic novel which I thought was the greatest thing ever and read it several times. I still have it and I noticed it had some gay undertones with male crossdressing and male-male marriage. I read my first offical manga in high school, freshmen year. It was called Fake and was a yaoi which is really funny now that I think about it. My first straight anime was Fruits Basket. Manga and Anime really influenced my love for Japan and Japanese culture. It was a major reason why I took Japanese in high school instead of Spanish or French.
I did not find out about yuri until one of my friends told me about it. This was at the time I was struggling with my sexuality and reading yuri, in a way, helped me come to a realization that I'm bisexual. Though I prefer yuri over yaoi because yuri most of the time is drawn to please straight men's fantasy of two women together. There are a few yuri that I have read that actually has a good plotline and goes in-
depth with the relationship instead of straight sex. I prefer shojo-ai ("girl love") instead of yuri ("girl sex") because of that reason but I have read a yuri with a well written plot.
Yaoi and shonen-ai are better written and have developing relationships and multiple situations, it's still written for women because some of the sex scenes are unrealistic, like virgins being penetrated without preparation and saying it felt good when in reality, it hurts like hell.
Overall I love anime and manga because it goes beyond what comics and cartoons offer here. There is even manga about inter-sexed people and lovers with disabilities (they are so cute!). Bascially, there is a genre of manga and anime for everyone but never read shoutacon or lolicon because it has pedophilic content *shudders*
GAY CHARACTERS IN COMIC BOOKS: Why Should The Japanese Have All The Fun? (Kyle)
So this has nothing to do with yaoi, but why should the Japanese have all the fun? There are a bunch of gay superheros and supporting characters in comics, but my favorite is Renee Montoya from the Batman comics. Yes, Batman is my favorite hero but she is kickass. She was also blackmailed into coming out, and her response to another lesbian character from Metropolis (Superman's city) is that “Gotham isn't Metropolis, it isn't San Francisco, it isn't New York.” I like that quote, as paraphrased as it is.
PREJUDICE FROM THE GLBTQ COMMUNITY: HIV-Pos and Transgender Issues (Sarah)
I can't really comment on this in terms of Gettysburg, but I know where I work now (within the HIV positive community in Boston) it seems to be an underlying issue between different groups of people and how they identify themselves. For example, we had a "transgender issues" panel at work, and I was really surprised at some of the hostility we encountered from some of our gay and lesbian members. I had heard/read about this being an issue, but it was weird to see it actualized. I know some of our transgender members have faced a lot of prejudice from within the GLBTQ community simply for how they identify.
I FEEL DIFFERENT, EVEN AMONG OTHER LESBIANS: I'm Not A Femme And I Don't Act Stereotypically Black (Nelly)
I wouldn't say I've felt hostility so much as apathy from the LGBTQ community for personal reasons as well. I'm naturally a quiet person who has some issues opening up and making small talk (probably stemming with being uncomfortable with my manly sounding voice when women want "women"), and haven't felt exactly comfortable in the little group I've come to know.
A lot of it comes from the height/weight proportion, I'm sure, along with my race. I'm easily written off because I'm not an average height/average weight, white, extroverted lesbian. I'm completely different from most of the other lesbians I know on campus, and have been called an "oreo" more times than I can count from the black girls, lol.
Oh my goodness, let us *not* get into my terrible luck in the dating pool! I seem to have found the pattern to be this:
- Meet the girl
- Dig the girl
- Girl gets girlfriend
It's pretty sad actually. Part of it is due to the issues stated above; and, I think, part of it has to do with I'm not on their radar as a potential at all. I can't say much about Gettysburg, but down here in Maryland, and especially at UMBC, it seems the lesbian dating pool is so small half the girls know your ex-girlfriend(s) and the other half want nothing to do with you.
I think more girls are scared of my butch-ness than anything. And being seen with someone who is pretty much gay isn't something they can probably handle. Because I can't change my appearance when I'm comfortable in it.
A lot of it comes from the height/weight proportion, I'm sure, along with my race. I'm easily written off because I'm not an average height/average weight, white, extroverted lesbian. I'm completely different from most of the other lesbians I know on campus, and have been called an "oreo" more times than I can count from the black girls, lol.
Oh my goodness, let us *not* get into my terrible luck in the dating pool! I seem to have found the pattern to be this:
- Meet the girl
- Dig the girl
- Girl gets girlfriend
It's pretty sad actually. Part of it is due to the issues stated above; and, I think, part of it has to do with I'm not on their radar as a potential at all. I can't say much about Gettysburg, but down here in Maryland, and especially at UMBC, it seems the lesbian dating pool is so small half the girls know your ex-girlfriend(s) and the other half want nothing to do with you.
I think more girls are scared of my butch-ness than anything. And being seen with someone who is pretty much gay isn't something they can probably handle. Because I can't change my appearance when I'm comfortable in it.
GAY-on-GAY CRIME: I Only Felt Hostility From Closet Gays and Non-ALLiES Members (James)
Ironically, during my 4-year career at Gettysburg College, I've felt hostility/resentment from NOTHING BUT gay students, for personal reasons. Mostly, I've felt hostility from CLOSETED gay people and gay non-ALLiES members on this campus. I guess they've had cold attitudes toward me because they know that I know that they know... Plus, I enjoy drawing attention to myself and to the cause most dear to my heart: gay rights/equality for all.
I think I'm one of the few GLBT students who doesn't have a problem getting dates, but sustaining a relationship's a whole different ballgame. I've had a few guys mention in casual conversation that they're into a certain type of guy, one who doesn't match my physical description (eg. weight, hair color).
I have a much easier time attracting men back in Maryland than I do here. As a result of trial and error, my potential date criteria has become more and more strict. What can I say? It's extremely difficult to find an out & proud, politically active, respectable guy to date @ Gettysburg College.
I've seen people's attitudes toward me change once they found out that not only was I gay but that I find no problem talking about it. It hurts to see how many "friendly" guys I've scared away because they were afraid of their names being associated with mine.
I think I'm one of the few GLBT students who doesn't have a problem getting dates, but sustaining a relationship's a whole different ballgame. I've had a few guys mention in casual conversation that they're into a certain type of guy, one who doesn't match my physical description (eg. weight, hair color).
I have a much easier time attracting men back in Maryland than I do here. As a result of trial and error, my potential date criteria has become more and more strict. What can I say? It's extremely difficult to find an out & proud, politically active, respectable guy to date @ Gettysburg College.
I've seen people's attitudes toward me change once they found out that not only was I gay but that I find no problem talking about it. It hurts to see how many "friendly" guys I've scared away because they were afraid of their names being associated with mine.
BLACK, OVERWEIGHT, MIDDLE CLASS, NONRELIGIOUS BUTCH LESBIAN: I'm Attacked From All Sides (Nelly)
As soon as I moved to Pasadena in the fourth grade, I knew something was very, very different from Glen Burnie. Where my class was a nice mix and balance of racial minorities there, it was me... and James. That's it. It only became worse when James and I advanced in our educative careers, for we both were like, the token black kids in the AP classes.
Add to that the fact that I'm female, and the fact that I don't "act Black," and there's a double hit from both fronts. In the dating pool, I've gotten more flack about being a black woman ("Sorry, no black chicks" is a common sentence I see in personals ads) than I have for not acting "black enough" in high school.
Add to that the fact that I am, in fact, a lesbian? Good grief, triple minority there. And I'm not all super excited about religion? Oh, and how about wanting an education instead of getting high at any given opportunity, as well as keeping a steady job? The hole gets smaller and smaller when we get more specific in our minority classifications.
I never attempted to prioritize all the aspects of who I am, because I think they're all equally important and just as telling of my character. However, if I was to list them in order of acknowledgment, it would probably be something like:
1. Lesbian
2. Female
3. Educated
4. Overweight/Cuddly/Muscular
5. Black
6. Middle Class
Whenever I hear about discrimination of any minority group, I respond in kind. Either with passive-aggressive criticism, discussion within Freedom Alliance, or doing nothing. I wish I could afford to donate to advocacy groups, be it time or finances, but I honestly can't.
I consistently attend Freedom Alliance meetings. I go and discuss topics and listen to consenting or opposing opinions. Sometimes I go hang out with them outside of meeting times when I have time. I never tried to attend anything like the NAACP or the Black Student Union, simply because I don't want to, nor have time to. And, I feel like it will be just as disorganized as some other black student organizations, and don't wish to waste my time listening to the latest gossip and arguments that can happen and continue.
I may try it out this semester, though. I might go and see what it's all about, and really take a look into it.
Add to that the fact that I'm female, and the fact that I don't "act Black," and there's a double hit from both fronts. In the dating pool, I've gotten more flack about being a black woman ("Sorry, no black chicks" is a common sentence I see in personals ads) than I have for not acting "black enough" in high school.
Add to that the fact that I am, in fact, a lesbian? Good grief, triple minority there. And I'm not all super excited about religion? Oh, and how about wanting an education instead of getting high at any given opportunity, as well as keeping a steady job? The hole gets smaller and smaller when we get more specific in our minority classifications.
I never attempted to prioritize all the aspects of who I am, because I think they're all equally important and just as telling of my character. However, if I was to list them in order of acknowledgment, it would probably be something like:
1. Lesbian
2. Female
3. Educated
4. Overweight/Cuddly/Muscular
5. Black
6. Middle Class
Whenever I hear about discrimination of any minority group, I respond in kind. Either with passive-aggressive criticism, discussion within Freedom Alliance, or doing nothing. I wish I could afford to donate to advocacy groups, be it time or finances, but I honestly can't.
I consistently attend Freedom Alliance meetings. I go and discuss topics and listen to consenting or opposing opinions. Sometimes I go hang out with them outside of meeting times when I have time. I never tried to attend anything like the NAACP or the Black Student Union, simply because I don't want to, nor have time to. And, I feel like it will be just as disorganized as some other black student organizations, and don't wish to waste my time listening to the latest gossip and arguments that can happen and continue.
I may try it out this semester, though. I might go and see what it's all about, and really take a look into it.
GETTYSBURGIANS ARE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE: No One Ever Said Anything To My Face (James)
Even though I'm from a predominantly White area (Pasadena, MD), I didn't experience an intense feeling of racial discrimination. The first time I actually realized I was different from my classmates was in the 1st grade when a kid yelled, "You're out, Black boy!" during a heated game of Kickball... my older brother kicked his ass the next morning, and it never happened again.
Other than that, no one has ever said anything racist TO MY FACE. The closest anyone has ever come has been shouting slurs from a speeding pick-up truck. In that sense, there are more outspoken bigots back home than there are at Gettysburg College.
Almost my entire life, I've been a very thin guy and I've been teased relentlessly about it by family, friends, and even strangers. What can I say? I ran track, did gymnastics, danced, practiced vegetarianism, and was constantly training to be stunt double... of course, I'm thin and toned! As the doctors have all told my parents, I'm in optimal health. I've always body image issues and only recently have I told my friends how much their comments (no matter how loving) really hurt me.
Surprisingly, I have never really encountered discrimination based on my sexuality, mainly because I didn't come out until my senior year of high school. At Gettysburg College, I find that everyone, in general, is passive-aggressive and prefers to say things behind each other's backs. I've felt accepted here, mostly because I tried to be upfront and honest from the very beginning.
Not until I came to Gettysburg had I even encountered people from the upper middle class and above. And typically, I don't associate with them because I don't believe that they take their education as seriously as those of us who are here on academic scholarships.
Whenever I hear about some Right Wing idiot trying to take away the rights of law-abiding gay citizens, I get extremely upset and am very likely to join an online protest, donate to an advocacy group, etc. Similarly, if there's been a gay bashing at a school, I will somehow acknowledge it, and bitch about it with my friends. However, when it's an isolated incident like that, I'm not as likely to take extreme action.
As you can guess, I identify myself as 1) Male, 2) Gay, 3) Black, 4) Educated, 5) Pagan, and 6) Middle Class.
I've been an active member of ALLiES (Gay-Straight Alliance) since my freshman year. Jai [Schock] initiated me, because we had Creative Writing together, and one of my stories had gay characters... even though it wasn't made obvious. I'm in ALLiES because I want to do everything I can to "fight the good fight," and make sure that future generations will live in a world of GLBT equality.
I WAS a member of the NAACP during my freshman year, as well. However, the group was extremely disorganized and never got anything done at meetings. Being an anal-retentive person, it really bugged me and I never came back.
I'm also a member of the GAIA Pagan Society, which is a nice forum for people who don't exclusively practice Christianity. It's comforting to have a group where people, gay and straight, can discuss spirituality and participate in religious rituals.
Other than that, no one has ever said anything racist TO MY FACE. The closest anyone has ever come has been shouting slurs from a speeding pick-up truck. In that sense, there are more outspoken bigots back home than there are at Gettysburg College.
Almost my entire life, I've been a very thin guy and I've been teased relentlessly about it by family, friends, and even strangers. What can I say? I ran track, did gymnastics, danced, practiced vegetarianism, and was constantly training to be stunt double... of course, I'm thin and toned! As the doctors have all told my parents, I'm in optimal health. I've always body image issues and only recently have I told my friends how much their comments (no matter how loving) really hurt me.
Surprisingly, I have never really encountered discrimination based on my sexuality, mainly because I didn't come out until my senior year of high school. At Gettysburg College, I find that everyone, in general, is passive-aggressive and prefers to say things behind each other's backs. I've felt accepted here, mostly because I tried to be upfront and honest from the very beginning.
Not until I came to Gettysburg had I even encountered people from the upper middle class and above. And typically, I don't associate with them because I don't believe that they take their education as seriously as those of us who are here on academic scholarships.
Whenever I hear about some Right Wing idiot trying to take away the rights of law-abiding gay citizens, I get extremely upset and am very likely to join an online protest, donate to an advocacy group, etc. Similarly, if there's been a gay bashing at a school, I will somehow acknowledge it, and bitch about it with my friends. However, when it's an isolated incident like that, I'm not as likely to take extreme action.
As you can guess, I identify myself as 1) Male, 2) Gay, 3) Black, 4) Educated, 5) Pagan, and 6) Middle Class.
I've been an active member of ALLiES (Gay-Straight Alliance) since my freshman year. Jai [Schock] initiated me, because we had Creative Writing together, and one of my stories had gay characters... even though it wasn't made obvious. I'm in ALLiES because I want to do everything I can to "fight the good fight," and make sure that future generations will live in a world of GLBT equality.
I WAS a member of the NAACP during my freshman year, as well. However, the group was extremely disorganized and never got anything done at meetings. Being an anal-retentive person, it really bugged me and I never came back.
I'm also a member of the GAIA Pagan Society, which is a nice forum for people who don't exclusively practice Christianity. It's comforting to have a group where people, gay and straight, can discuss spirituality and participate in religious rituals.
FAGGOT: Why Try To Reclaim It? (Adaeze)
"Faggot" is one of the weirdest words ever! Come on! I do not know how a term for a bundle of sticks came to be a derogatory word for homosexuals. Really, people should stop using the term because it just makes them sound unintellgent.
Also, for those trying to "reclaim" the word faggot, why? Same with black people trying to reclaim the word "nigger" by changing the "er" to "a." Both words have a history of loss, struggle, and pain so why try and reclaim the word when the gay community is trying to fight against the discrimination and win justice and equality? Seriously when the group being discriminated using the same discriminatory words against themselves, isn't that self-hate?
Also, for those trying to "reclaim" the word faggot, why? Same with black people trying to reclaim the word "nigger" by changing the "er" to "a." Both words have a history of loss, struggle, and pain so why try and reclaim the word when the gay community is trying to fight against the discrimination and win justice and equality? Seriously when the group being discriminated using the same discriminatory words against themselves, isn't that self-hate?
DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL: Initially It Was A Progressive Step... Now It's A Joke (Katelin)
1: I would never join any branch of the military whether I were straight or gay. It’s just not my thing; I don't like war. But to comment on that “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” policy... its completely disgusting that such an act of discrimination has been in force for as many years as it has. At the time, it was a progressive step... but now it’s a joke. "they", whoever "they" are, say soldiers knowing that fellow members are gay will cause a break in unity. This being the case, I applaud any Gay or Lesbian person who is strong enough to withhold their preference, simply to appease the homophobes. That is true dedication to one's country.
2: I went to catholic school for 13 years and it’s not the reason I am an atheist. I was always taught that God is cool with the gays as long as we don't "act" on our urges. It just doesn't add up to me, not that much religion (especially catholic) does add up in my mind. I think if I were religious enough to want to devote my life to god, my sexuality would not hinder my decision. If I was devout, I would truly believe god loves me not for who I lay next to in bed, but the intentions I have of being a morally upstanding citizen staying true to commandments of God... and true ones, not the radical, misinterpreted passages many use against homosexuals.
2: I went to catholic school for 13 years and it’s not the reason I am an atheist. I was always taught that God is cool with the gays as long as we don't "act" on our urges. It just doesn't add up to me, not that much religion (especially catholic) does add up in my mind. I think if I were religious enough to want to devote my life to god, my sexuality would not hinder my decision. If I was devout, I would truly believe god loves me not for who I lay next to in bed, but the intentions I have of being a morally upstanding citizen staying true to commandments of God... and true ones, not the radical, misinterpreted passages many use against homosexuals.
THE MILITARY IS CHARACTER-BUILIDING: But I'm Not As Strong As Others (Mark)
I would consider joining the military as long as I didn't have to go to war. It would be more for character- and bodybuilding. I would join whether the policy was in place or not because a simple policy will not change the way the majority of the military views the GLBT community. I do not come from a military family and I think it is very heroic of people who come out after their military experience. I could not imagine living a lie throughout my time in the military, but if I really wanted to be in the armed forces, I would sadly choose not to disclose my sexual orientation because I am not as strong as others. Ideally, the general public would not view GLBT persons as sexaholics who cannot control themselves in the homoerotic environment of the military.
I would never be a priest. First of all, I was raised Lutheran and not Catholic. Second, church is more of a personal environment than the military and my personal life may be more open in a religious setting where I am the head of the services. I'm not sure what God's views are actually because so many different viewpoints are out there and it is difficult to figure out which one to believe. People should definitely try to cut down on sinning, not the sinners. No, I would not apply for any faith based position because that is not my interest and I would not feel comfortable as a gay male.
I would never be a priest. First of all, I was raised Lutheran and not Catholic. Second, church is more of a personal environment than the military and my personal life may be more open in a religious setting where I am the head of the services. I'm not sure what God's views are actually because so many different viewpoints are out there and it is difficult to figure out which one to believe. People should definitely try to cut down on sinning, not the sinners. No, I would not apply for any faith based position because that is not my interest and I would not feel comfortable as a gay male.
A SOLDIER'S LIFE IS NOT FOR ME: I Don't Take Kindly To Being Yelled At and I Hate To Run (Nelly)
First of all, No. I've been told by my father that joining the military would be a daft move on my part. A few of my friends are in the military right now; they can't wait to get out. I don't take well to being yelled at and hate running, so it'd ultimately be a waste of time on my part. And yet, the Marines were the last to call my house...
I'd prefer to serve the country in ways that I know how to and excel at: computer work is something I'm much, much better with, and helping to protect those that might not be able to protect themselves is something much better.
I think those soldiers who come out after serving are some of the bravest people I know. Because they face repercussions from those they served with, and being ostracized from the life they knew. To think they survived and have to survive coming out later is just something I can't fathom.
Considering I'm not exactly the most religious person on the planet, I would have to say I can't be a priest to something that so blatantly gives a hypocritical stance on homosexuality. I mean, how would others like it if I hated their sins and not them? "Oh, I hate that you cheat on your significant other every chance you get, but I love you regardless!" How is homosexuality any different from any other sin?
More power to those that praise God and live how they live, be they homosexual or not. I can't exactly do what they do, because I don't believe in their God, but if they're happy, that's really all that matters in my book.
I'd prefer to serve the country in ways that I know how to and excel at: computer work is something I'm much, much better with, and helping to protect those that might not be able to protect themselves is something much better.
I think those soldiers who come out after serving are some of the bravest people I know. Because they face repercussions from those they served with, and being ostracized from the life they knew. To think they survived and have to survive coming out later is just something I can't fathom.
Considering I'm not exactly the most religious person on the planet, I would have to say I can't be a priest to something that so blatantly gives a hypocritical stance on homosexuality. I mean, how would others like it if I hated their sins and not them? "Oh, I hate that you cheat on your significant other every chance you get, but I love you regardless!" How is homosexuality any different from any other sin?
More power to those that praise God and live how they live, be they homosexual or not. I can't exactly do what they do, because I don't believe in their God, but if they're happy, that's really all that matters in my book.
I WOULD JOIN THE ARMY: If I Actually Believed There Were Legitimate Reasons For Fighting (James)
As long as the United States is caught up in unjust warfare around the world, I won't even consider enlisting. However, I will try my best to still support the soldiers, because it's not their fault; they're just doing their job, which is to follow orders.
If the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy was repealed AND if I was 100% sure that we were fighting the correct enemy, then of course, I would want to protect and defend my country. My grandfather, father and some of his brothers, were members of the U.S. Army, but members of my father's generation have drawn parallels between the current situation and the ridiculous Vietnam War, and they've convinced me to avoid the military even more.
I think it's extremely heroic and admirable to see soldiers serving their time and then, coming out of the closet not much later. The fact that they not only fought in the military but that they SURVIVED, shows that gays & lesbians are just as capable on the battlefield, and if GLBT individuals are willing to enlist, then why make them hide their sexual identities?
I could never be an official in a religion which viewed homosexuality as a sin. However, I could understand how some GLBT people would want to show their devotion to God. I admire them for having their own interpretation of God's message, instead of bowing down to a holy institution (eg. the Vatican).
Back in high school, a few of my Catholic friends back home were very friendly with openly-gay students, and they would always say, "Hate the sin, not the sinner," as if they were being profound. It doesn't come out and say it, but it implies that you should hate an essential part of someone: his/her sexuality. It's like saying, "I don't hate YOU personally... I just hate that you date members of your own sex." It's very confusing and hypocritical if you ask me.
Even though I'm not a fan of any organized religion, I would love to embrace my spirituality, express my devotion to a higher power, and train for a position in a Pagan (nature-based worship/ritual) sect.
If the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy was repealed AND if I was 100% sure that we were fighting the correct enemy, then of course, I would want to protect and defend my country. My grandfather, father and some of his brothers, were members of the U.S. Army, but members of my father's generation have drawn parallels between the current situation and the ridiculous Vietnam War, and they've convinced me to avoid the military even more.
I think it's extremely heroic and admirable to see soldiers serving their time and then, coming out of the closet not much later. The fact that they not only fought in the military but that they SURVIVED, shows that gays & lesbians are just as capable on the battlefield, and if GLBT individuals are willing to enlist, then why make them hide their sexual identities?
I could never be an official in a religion which viewed homosexuality as a sin. However, I could understand how some GLBT people would want to show their devotion to God. I admire them for having their own interpretation of God's message, instead of bowing down to a holy institution (eg. the Vatican).
Back in high school, a few of my Catholic friends back home were very friendly with openly-gay students, and they would always say, "Hate the sin, not the sinner," as if they were being profound. It doesn't come out and say it, but it implies that you should hate an essential part of someone: his/her sexuality. It's like saying, "I don't hate YOU personally... I just hate that you date members of your own sex." It's very confusing and hypocritical if you ask me.
Even though I'm not a fan of any organized religion, I would love to embrace my spirituality, express my devotion to a higher power, and train for a position in a Pagan (nature-based worship/ritual) sect.
LIVE AND LET LIVE: Gender Should Not Be Confined To Two Boxes (Bryan)
I don’t think anything should be considered inherently masculine or feminine. Masculine and feminine are social constructs, and they vary from culture to culture. It’s ridiculous and supremely arrogant to assume that definite spheres exist simply because it’s easier to categorize than to allow things to remain in the grey, where they should be.
Do I think there is any merit to the ideas of "man's work" versus "woman's work”?
Absolutely not. These constructs are meant to divide the genders; we have far more in common than we have in difference.
I think our society dictates that it’s OK for men to be more violent, that it’s more acceptable than seeing a violent woman. And likewise, it's socially acceptable and expected for women to be the more nurturing, emotional, loving one in a relationship. But it’s all bull. Remove these socio-cultural constructs and let people be who are they are inclined to be without fear of alienation, and we would see a lot more gender variance in issues like these.
How does it make me feel to see people transcending these boundaries of so-called gender-determined behaviors?” It’s awesome! We need to be ourselves. Gender doesn’t need to be nor SHOULD it be confined to two boxes, which most people don’t neatly fit into but feel forced to in order to fit in and maintain face and image.
I’ve always hated sports. Playing them, watching them... it’s all so boring. It’s a bunch of imbeciles running around playing out mini wars and taking out their aggression through a series of silly rules. You won’t see me “protecting my masculinity” by calling anyone out and exchanging insults and blows. I like to look nice. Instead of going out to play sports with the other boys in elementary school I hung out with the girls and played jump rope and hop-scotch. I didn’t really have good straight male friends until my senior year of high school, and I’m still far more comfortable discussing how I feel with women rather than with other guys.
Do I think there is any merit to the ideas of "man's work" versus "woman's work”?
Absolutely not. These constructs are meant to divide the genders; we have far more in common than we have in difference.
I think our society dictates that it’s OK for men to be more violent, that it’s more acceptable than seeing a violent woman. And likewise, it's socially acceptable and expected for women to be the more nurturing, emotional, loving one in a relationship. But it’s all bull. Remove these socio-cultural constructs and let people be who are they are inclined to be without fear of alienation, and we would see a lot more gender variance in issues like these.
How does it make me feel to see people transcending these boundaries of so-called gender-determined behaviors?” It’s awesome! We need to be ourselves. Gender doesn’t need to be nor SHOULD it be confined to two boxes, which most people don’t neatly fit into but feel forced to in order to fit in and maintain face and image.
I’ve always hated sports. Playing them, watching them... it’s all so boring. It’s a bunch of imbeciles running around playing out mini wars and taking out their aggression through a series of silly rules. You won’t see me “protecting my masculinity” by calling anyone out and exchanging insults and blows. I like to look nice. Instead of going out to play sports with the other boys in elementary school I hung out with the girls and played jump rope and hop-scotch. I didn’t really have good straight male friends until my senior year of high school, and I’m still far more comfortable discussing how I feel with women rather than with other guys.
9.06.2009
I DO BELIEVE IN GENDER ROLES: I've Taken On The Masculine Role And I Only Like Feminine Women (Katelin)
I’m going to bring some educational information into this because I find it incredibly interesting. I’ve taken 2 Native American studies courses. In native cultures, there are “two-spirited” people, or a third gender. Men could act as women and women could act as men. I wish our culture could be like this.
For me... I do see a natural categorization in our culture. Too bad I’ve crossed these lines. I’m a female who has taken on a masculine role, but I only like feminine women. I believe in gender roles in relationships. I will pay for a girl, I will get girls numbers, I will most likely be the one to propose, blah blah blah.
I’ve always been a tomboy and now I have no problem taking a male role in society. I am an aggressive female. I would never have a sex-change though, I just taking this role on. I feel more comfortable in it.
For me... I do see a natural categorization in our culture. Too bad I’ve crossed these lines. I’m a female who has taken on a masculine role, but I only like feminine women. I believe in gender roles in relationships. I will pay for a girl, I will get girls numbers, I will most likely be the one to propose, blah blah blah.
I’ve always been a tomboy and now I have no problem taking a male role in society. I am an aggressive female. I would never have a sex-change though, I just taking this role on. I feel more comfortable in it.
TO HELL WITH GENDER ROLES: My Hobbies Include Aluminum & Steel, But I Also Love Baking And Ani DiFranco (DeLue)
From a biological standpoint it's becoming more and more apparent that there are real ingrained psychological differences between the sexes at the mental level. When you enter into this argument it must be realized that one is speaking of averages always. For example the portion of the brain which bridges the left and right halves, aiding in tasks which require both creativity and systematic processing, is on average larger in the female. This means that something like translation, which requires a creative understanding of language and a systematic knowledge of the syntax and meaning of millions of words in several languages comes more naturally to females. This does not mean that no man can be a good translator, but rather that there will be fewer male translators than female.
Similarly, an argument for the roles of men and women being somewhat biological can be made from an evolutionary standpoint. We enjoy a lot of freedom today that we did not enjoy in our past. Written history records but a blip in the whole history of "man" and though we may enjoy the ability and right to transcend stereotypes today, this may not have always been the case. Women as the caring mother and keeper of the home may seem chauvinist today, but it was an absolutely crucial role for early man, while the male had to hunt and bring in food.
The argument for why it had to be the man hunting and the woman being the homekeeper is a matter of biology. Average muscle mass and the fact that women were pregnant for the majority of their lives during early history are just two of the reasons for this role being the default for early man. Thousands and millions of years of these roles being vital and essential may well have led to a predisposition for the human race to fall into these roles.
I feel as if I'm playing devil's advocate here, I hope this doesn't ruffle too many feathers.
My opinions on crossing gender stereotypes today is that I am wholeheartedly in favor of it. Now that we have the freedom to make such choices I think it's best for a person to do whatever makes them most comfortable in life. If it blows their gender stereotype out of the water good for them, and if it conforms perfectly then that's equally awesome. I'm not sure how much I conform or defy my gender stereotype. I can almost always be seen in boots and jeans and my hobbies include aluminum and steel, but I do love to bake and Ani DiFranco is a goddess.
Wherever I stand between the archetypes, I would argue that there is a predisposition on the biological level for men and women to conform to their traditional archetypes, but that it is stronger in some and weaker in others, and that this doesn't mean that one cannot buck the trend and be a statistical outlier if it makes them happy.
Similarly, an argument for the roles of men and women being somewhat biological can be made from an evolutionary standpoint. We enjoy a lot of freedom today that we did not enjoy in our past. Written history records but a blip in the whole history of "man" and though we may enjoy the ability and right to transcend stereotypes today, this may not have always been the case. Women as the caring mother and keeper of the home may seem chauvinist today, but it was an absolutely crucial role for early man, while the male had to hunt and bring in food.
The argument for why it had to be the man hunting and the woman being the homekeeper is a matter of biology. Average muscle mass and the fact that women were pregnant for the majority of their lives during early history are just two of the reasons for this role being the default for early man. Thousands and millions of years of these roles being vital and essential may well have led to a predisposition for the human race to fall into these roles.
I feel as if I'm playing devil's advocate here, I hope this doesn't ruffle too many feathers.
My opinions on crossing gender stereotypes today is that I am wholeheartedly in favor of it. Now that we have the freedom to make such choices I think it's best for a person to do whatever makes them most comfortable in life. If it blows their gender stereotype out of the water good for them, and if it conforms perfectly then that's equally awesome. I'm not sure how much I conform or defy my gender stereotype. I can almost always be seen in boots and jeans and my hobbies include aluminum and steel, but I do love to bake and Ani DiFranco is a goddess.
Wherever I stand between the archetypes, I would argue that there is a predisposition on the biological level for men and women to conform to their traditional archetypes, but that it is stronger in some and weaker in others, and that this doesn't mean that one cannot buck the trend and be a statistical outlier if it makes them happy.
GENDER IS A STATE OF MIND: Gender Isn't Purely Biological But A Mental Construct (James)
Having taken a Women’s Studies course [WS251: Women & Nazism] for the very first time last semester, I’ve had feminist theory hammered into my brain. I accept the idea of masculine and feminine constructs, but I believe that they’re pure myth based on male and female archetypes. That said, I don’t believe that they are biologically ingrained in us.
There’s extreme overlap between so-called male and female behaviors. The idea of men’s work vs. women’s work seems to only become an issue when a woman is incapacitated by a uniquely female issue (ie. pregnancy). I agree with Nelly when she says that male and female behaviors are not set in stone and definitely are not mutually exclusive.
I, too, love it when people transcend gender boundaries. Moreover, I just love it when people do what isn’t expected of them. My most recent transgression was performing a group Bellydance at the Dance Ensemble’s fall recital. Besides that, I dress up for the Gender-Bender Dance every year, I like baking stuff for my housemates, and I care a lot about how my clothes look on me.
However, I have no desire whatsoever to be a woman. I treasure my masculinity: my love of horror movie gore, my dreams of being a stunt double, my hidden desire to punch my ex square-in-the-nose... I guess it all reminds me that I may be gay but that doesn’t make me any less of a man.
There’s extreme overlap between so-called male and female behaviors. The idea of men’s work vs. women’s work seems to only become an issue when a woman is incapacitated by a uniquely female issue (ie. pregnancy). I agree with Nelly when she says that male and female behaviors are not set in stone and definitely are not mutually exclusive.
I, too, love it when people transcend gender boundaries. Moreover, I just love it when people do what isn’t expected of them. My most recent transgression was performing a group Bellydance at the Dance Ensemble’s fall recital. Besides that, I dress up for the Gender-Bender Dance every year, I like baking stuff for my housemates, and I care a lot about how my clothes look on me.
However, I have no desire whatsoever to be a woman. I treasure my masculinity: my love of horror movie gore, my dreams of being a stunt double, my hidden desire to punch my ex square-in-the-nose... I guess it all reminds me that I may be gay but that doesn’t make me any less of a man.
I LOVE GENDERFUCKS: I've Broken Plenty Of Gender Stereotypes In My Day (Nelly)
Hmm... while there are "masculine" and "feminine" energies, I don't really think there's much difference between the two. I especially don't believe there's anything that could be considered exclusive to either category. As for that man's work vs. woman's work... if you think about it, things considered woman's work nowadays were men's work before the World Wars. So that entire idea is pretty dumb in my opinion.
Men act more upon their aggressions than women do I think. Or act upon them in a different way. Women can be violent. Men can be very passive as well. Both genders bring love to a relationship. The difference lies within the sphere of *how* they bring it and how they show their love I think. Women are more open about it while men are probably a little more reserved, as that's what's expected of them. A lot of it is based upon expectations to conform with the norm.
I love it with people are genderfucks! I'm more "masculine" in attire and sometimes in my behavior as well, so I'm a little bit biased to those who don't fit in a little box. I've broken plenty of gender stereotypes in my day: I'm the one my parents turn to when it comes to putting furniture together, as my brother sucks at doing so. I cook, do dishes (when I absolutely have to), clean when I have to, and can fix a computer. I know how to jump a car too.
Being what's classified as a butch lesbian also forces me to break gender stereotypes wherever I go. And to break stereotypes everyone may have about butches.
Men act more upon their aggressions than women do I think. Or act upon them in a different way. Women can be violent. Men can be very passive as well. Both genders bring love to a relationship. The difference lies within the sphere of *how* they bring it and how they show their love I think. Women are more open about it while men are probably a little more reserved, as that's what's expected of them. A lot of it is based upon expectations to conform with the norm.
I love it with people are genderfucks! I'm more "masculine" in attire and sometimes in my behavior as well, so I'm a little bit biased to those who don't fit in a little box. I've broken plenty of gender stereotypes in my day: I'm the one my parents turn to when it comes to putting furniture together, as my brother sucks at doing so. I cook, do dishes (when I absolutely have to), clean when I have to, and can fix a computer. I know how to jump a car too.
Being what's classified as a butch lesbian also forces me to break gender stereotypes wherever I go. And to break stereotypes everyone may have about butches.
I SUPPORTED JOHN McCAIN: But I Think ALLiES Should Remain Non-Partisan (Tory)
I consider myself moderate. I am not registered with a party. I did vote for John McCain in this election. I am not a fan of Barack Obama, but he won and I will support him as our President. I do not believe Allies should align itself with a particular candidate. While it should promote GLBT issues, you don't want to drive people away who may support the other side. It's important to remain open and accepting to everyone.
I DO NOT SUPPORT BOB BARR: He Is Not A Libertarian, He's A Douche! (DeLue)
I am a liberal libertarian. Please note that I in no way support Bob Barr, he is not a libertarian, he's a douche. I'm registered independent, but I usually vote libertarian or democrat.
I cast my ballot for Barack and was VERY happy to see Obama win. I ran around campus with some friends like a nut. I believe he will restore respect to our country on the global political stage and bring us into a closer more cooperative relationship with the rest of the world. Though I'm disappointed with his riding the fence on GLBT issues, he will definitely be better in that respect than McCain.
I think whether ALLiES publicly supports a candidate could be a touchy issue. Although we are a group with an obvious focus and should work toward spreading acceptance and tolerance politically as well as socially, a group supporting a candidate for one reason often ends up getting the group associated with completely different things that candidate does. Such associations could be dangerous and counterproductive.
Being a member of allies is a choice and choosing not to be a member should be respected whole-heartedly. It may be a good idea, however, to find out why they've chosen not to join, so that we may broaden our perspective and possibly expand our organization to include a larger proportion of the GLBT community and serve them better.
I am a pretty politically involved and interested person and I think that I would have to date either a fellow libertarian or democrat. Differences in business politics we can debate and argue on an economic basis, but if we differ on social issues, then that could be a problem.
I cast my ballot for Barack and was VERY happy to see Obama win. I ran around campus with some friends like a nut. I believe he will restore respect to our country on the global political stage and bring us into a closer more cooperative relationship with the rest of the world. Though I'm disappointed with his riding the fence on GLBT issues, he will definitely be better in that respect than McCain.
I think whether ALLiES publicly supports a candidate could be a touchy issue. Although we are a group with an obvious focus and should work toward spreading acceptance and tolerance politically as well as socially, a group supporting a candidate for one reason often ends up getting the group associated with completely different things that candidate does. Such associations could be dangerous and counterproductive.
Being a member of allies is a choice and choosing not to be a member should be respected whole-heartedly. It may be a good idea, however, to find out why they've chosen not to join, so that we may broaden our perspective and possibly expand our organization to include a larger proportion of the GLBT community and serve them better.
I am a pretty politically involved and interested person and I think that I would have to date either a fellow libertarian or democrat. Differences in business politics we can debate and argue on an economic basis, but if we differ on social issues, then that could be a problem.
I'M BLACK AND I ORIGINALLY SIDED WITH RON PAUL: When He Didn't Get Nominated, I Switched To Obama (Adaeze)
I'm liberal, but I don't side with a party. I did vote for Barack Obama. In the beginning of the Presidential race, I was rooting for Ron Paul because he shared the same values as I did. I think ALLiES should be non-partisan. I wish more gay students and teachers were apart of ALLiES but it's a choice.
I couldn't be with someone who had a completely different political view than me. I don't mind slight different views on political topics but like Nelly, I don't think I could handle the girl who says "I don't support gay marriage, but I want to marry you someday." come on! That's just stupid.
Ah well, all’s fair in love not war.
I couldn't be with someone who had a completely different political view than me. I don't mind slight different views on political topics but like Nelly, I don't think I could handle the girl who says "I don't support gay marriage, but I want to marry you someday." come on! That's just stupid.
Ah well, all’s fair in love not war.
I RECENTLY DATED A LOG CABIN REPUBLICAN: She'd Say, "I Don't Support Gay Marriage, But I Want To Marry You Someday" (Nelly)
I think I could classify myself, politically, as a liberal democrat. I'm registered with the Democratic Party. I'm not very political, so there's few issues I care very much for. However, the issues I care most for are: gay marriage (duh), environment awareness, better compensation for educators, more affordable higher education, and loosening the stranglehold on the middle class.
I voted in the most recent Presidential election. I didn't do much to help out in the political process; I simply made sure my friends were registered and going to vote that day. Considering I skipped my night class to watch the results, I was very happy to see Barack Obama won the election. I felt proud of my country for doing something unprecedented; and proud of my age bracket for actually voting.
I don't go to Gettysburg, so I'm not at liberty to answer anything about ALLiES =)
I can answer the last section of questions though!
So... I dated a conservative log cabin Republican recently. It was very aggravating that we were on complete opposite sides of the spectrum. I never actually thought a difference in political views would bother me, but I now know it definitely does. I'm politically apathetic for the most part, but if someone says something hypocritical like my ex did ("I don't support gay marriage, but I want to marry you someday") that's gonna stick with me and bother me for a long, long time. I'm sure I could date someone who's completely apathetic to politics; now, if it lasted would be the larger question.
I voted in the most recent Presidential election. I didn't do much to help out in the political process; I simply made sure my friends were registered and going to vote that day. Considering I skipped my night class to watch the results, I was very happy to see Barack Obama won the election. I felt proud of my country for doing something unprecedented; and proud of my age bracket for actually voting.
I don't go to Gettysburg, so I'm not at liberty to answer anything about ALLiES =)
I can answer the last section of questions though!
So... I dated a conservative log cabin Republican recently. It was very aggravating that we were on complete opposite sides of the spectrum. I never actually thought a difference in political views would bother me, but I now know it definitely does. I'm politically apathetic for the most part, but if someone says something hypocritical like my ex did ("I don't support gay marriage, but I want to marry you someday") that's gonna stick with me and bother me for a long, long time. I'm sure I could date someone who's completely apathetic to politics; now, if it lasted would be the larger question.
YOU'VE GOTTA BELIEVE IN SOMETHING: I Could Never Date A Politically Apathetic Man (James)
As much as I’d like to say that I’m a moderate, I’m actually a die-hard liberal and registered Democrat. I care deeply about issues like education, welfare programs, social security, alternative energy, women’s reproductive rights, and of course, gay marriage & adoption rights.
In November, I made sure to cast my ballot for Barack Obama. As Media Coordinator for the Gettysburg Students for Barack Obama, I’d been volunteering for his campaign since the Primaries. In what little spare time I had, I donated, canvassed, phone banked, and registered new voters for Obama. And luckily, it all paid off.
I remember when Obama was declared the Projected Winner, we all piled into Jimmy’s bedroom and watched his acceptance speech. And after walking Hannah home a little after midnight, I saw students flocking to Stine Lake for an impromptu rally, so I joined in the chaos.
For four years, I’ve wanted to see ALLiES join the fight for equality by writing letters, protesting, and attending marches. Unfortunately, we’ve remained nonpartisan and haven’t achieved much outside of our college bubble. I think we should’ve wholeheartedly supported a candidate who wasn’t trying to take our rights away.
Even more than gay Republicans, I just can’t understand how anyone could be politically apathetic nowadays. Part of the reason why I typically don’t date non-ALLiES members is because apathetic gays and self-hating gays make me sick to my stomach. I don’t respect them at all. Not only do they not attend meetings but they never show any signs of real support, like coming to one of our many events.
It’s extremely important that my partner be politically active, no matter what his political views are. I could NEVER be with someone who didn’t care about his own future or the future of his country.
In November, I made sure to cast my ballot for Barack Obama. As Media Coordinator for the Gettysburg Students for Barack Obama, I’d been volunteering for his campaign since the Primaries. In what little spare time I had, I donated, canvassed, phone banked, and registered new voters for Obama. And luckily, it all paid off.
I remember when Obama was declared the Projected Winner, we all piled into Jimmy’s bedroom and watched his acceptance speech. And after walking Hannah home a little after midnight, I saw students flocking to Stine Lake for an impromptu rally, so I joined in the chaos.
For four years, I’ve wanted to see ALLiES join the fight for equality by writing letters, protesting, and attending marches. Unfortunately, we’ve remained nonpartisan and haven’t achieved much outside of our college bubble. I think we should’ve wholeheartedly supported a candidate who wasn’t trying to take our rights away.
Even more than gay Republicans, I just can’t understand how anyone could be politically apathetic nowadays. Part of the reason why I typically don’t date non-ALLiES members is because apathetic gays and self-hating gays make me sick to my stomach. I don’t respect them at all. Not only do they not attend meetings but they never show any signs of real support, like coming to one of our many events.
It’s extremely important that my partner be politically active, no matter what his political views are. I could NEVER be with someone who didn’t care about his own future or the future of his country.
I NEVER WANTED KIDS: But Then I Met Someone And Everything Changed (Katelin)
I’ve been in love, fell out of love, wished I was never in love. I believe in “lust at first sight,” which can definitely turn into love, but I can't say "love at first sight" exists. There is no typical length of time for me to turn something into a relationship. Generally, I prefer becoming friends first, but then again the "friend zone" sucks. It depends on the situation, the girl, and everything else. And usually, I like relationships, but in college, that’s harder because I'm terrible at the long distance thing. So, casual dating is usually how it goes.
Marriage... Yes, sure, I want to get married. All these laws, amendments, and, excuse my language, but BULLSHIT, they have been putting us through is unbelievable. People... it’s the 21st century, why are we writing HATE into our constitution?? Anyway, yeah I've been close to proposing before. Only once, but I guess I should be glad I didn’t since we didn't last. I was never one to sit around planning a perfect wedding. That's Wifey's role.
I use to say, no never, not me. I never wanted kids. Then, I met someone I would have actually wanted to have children with and everything changed. We had the plan that she would have the children. One from my egg, one from hers, and they would have the same father. Sounded like the dream family, I think I want to keep that plan.
Marriage... Yes, sure, I want to get married. All these laws, amendments, and, excuse my language, but BULLSHIT, they have been putting us through is unbelievable. People... it’s the 21st century, why are we writing HATE into our constitution?? Anyway, yeah I've been close to proposing before. Only once, but I guess I should be glad I didn’t since we didn't last. I was never one to sit around planning a perfect wedding. That's Wifey's role.
I use to say, no never, not me. I never wanted kids. Then, I met someone I would have actually wanted to have children with and everything changed. We had the plan that she would have the children. One from my egg, one from hers, and they would have the same father. Sounded like the dream family, I think I want to keep that plan.
I'M IN LOVE WITH LOVE: But I'm Not Meant To Be A Mother (Tory)
I believe in love and I LOVE love. I do not believe in love at first sight (though my sister swears the first time she saw her husband, she knew she would marry him), but I think the first encounter can say a lot about a relationship.
I'm very relationship-oriented...I've never really done a dating thing, only long-term things. I've been in 2 serious year and a half relationships. I loved both of them very much and at the time believed I would marry them.
I definitely want to get married one day, but I'm not the type of person to plan it out before I even meet the right man. I did go to prom in a wedding dress though...
I have no intention of having children. Growing up, imagining my future, I never thought of children as being part of it and I don't think I am meant to be a mother.
I'm very relationship-oriented...I've never really done a dating thing, only long-term things. I've been in 2 serious year and a half relationships. I loved both of them very much and at the time believed I would marry them.
I definitely want to get married one day, but I'm not the type of person to plan it out before I even meet the right man. I did go to prom in a wedding dress though...
I have no intention of having children. Growing up, imagining my future, I never thought of children as being part of it and I don't think I am meant to be a mother.
KIDS? YES, PLEASE!: I Need Someone Who Wants A Big Family (Adaeze)
Love is what drives me to get up every morning. I'm a super passionate romantic to the T. Not only for a lover but also for family and friends. That's just how I get down. I want to believe in love at first sight, because it does happen but most times, people are only physically attracted to another person that they may like.
I've never been in love but I know that when I do it is when I love the "flaws" in that person and vice versa. When I can argue with my love and some time later make up. I know it maybe impossible but I want a everlasting love that my mother and father had before he passed away. I told my mother that if she wanted to remarry that my siblings and I would support her but she told me that my father was the only man she could ever love. I want to love and love in that way.
Ok. So I've been planning my dream wedding since forever! *squeal*
My wedding will take place in a stone castle in Ireland during the fall season. I love rich royal colors but I can come to a compromise with my wife or husband (if either is into party planning). I want my sister to be my maid of honor. Also I want bridesmaids and “bridesmen” because I have more guy friends then girls.
My wedding dress is going to be form-fitting Victorian-esque with a trumpet skirt, very elegant. The back will be a upside down curved triangle cutout and as the cutout turns into the skirt seam, that seam will be lined with 4 or 5 buttons. The dress will be a strapless dress made of silk and has a lace like design. The top of the dress will be an attached lace (kind of like a lace borelo with a high neck (as seen here).
The after party: I would like an opening speech and couple's first dance but after that, let the party begin! Open bar and buffet!
Oh, I will have a registry for presents because getting 10 toasters, >.<, Epic fail.
All this can change over time (maybe not the dress ^_^) but a girl can dream, can't she? ^.^
Sad reality: more people may show up to my wedding if it’s to a guy, sigh...silly relatives, oh well
Kids? Yes, please! I really want 10 kids (5 girls, 5 boys). I need someone who wants to have a really big family and live on a farm.
If I'm married to a guy, I'll have two kids the “Birds and the Bees way,” but the other eight, I will be adopting because I've wanted to adopt since middle school.
If it is to a woman, it depends, I wouldn't want to go to a sperm bank or shag a friend but if she wanted to go this route then I would be fine with it, but I'm still going to adopt. ^^ Pwease?
I've never been in love but I know that when I do it is when I love the "flaws" in that person and vice versa. When I can argue with my love and some time later make up. I know it maybe impossible but I want a everlasting love that my mother and father had before he passed away. I told my mother that if she wanted to remarry that my siblings and I would support her but she told me that my father was the only man she could ever love. I want to love and love in that way.
Ok. So I've been planning my dream wedding since forever! *squeal*
My wedding will take place in a stone castle in Ireland during the fall season. I love rich royal colors but I can come to a compromise with my wife or husband (if either is into party planning). I want my sister to be my maid of honor. Also I want bridesmaids and “bridesmen” because I have more guy friends then girls.
My wedding dress is going to be form-fitting Victorian-esque with a trumpet skirt, very elegant. The back will be a upside down curved triangle cutout and as the cutout turns into the skirt seam, that seam will be lined with 4 or 5 buttons. The dress will be a strapless dress made of silk and has a lace like design. The top of the dress will be an attached lace (kind of like a lace borelo with a high neck (as seen here).
The after party: I would like an opening speech and couple's first dance but after that, let the party begin! Open bar and buffet!
Oh, I will have a registry for presents because getting 10 toasters, >.<, Epic fail.
All this can change over time (maybe not the dress ^_^) but a girl can dream, can't she? ^.^
Sad reality: more people may show up to my wedding if it’s to a guy, sigh...silly relatives, oh well
Kids? Yes, please! I really want 10 kids (5 girls, 5 boys). I need someone who wants to have a really big family and live on a farm.
If I'm married to a guy, I'll have two kids the “Birds and the Bees way,” but the other eight, I will be adopting because I've wanted to adopt since middle school.
If it is to a woman, it depends, I wouldn't want to go to a sperm bank or shag a friend but if she wanted to go this route then I would be fine with it, but I'm still going to adopt. ^^ Pwease?
A WOMAN SCORNED: I Still Have Trust Issues (Nelly)
I believe in love. I've found I'm more in love with the idea of love than I've ever been with any of my girlfriends. To a degree, I think it's possible to have love at first sight. A little bit of love, yes, but not full-blown, knock you off your feet love. Relationship-wise for me, I've been a whole lot more cautious and wary of whom I let in, simply due to some trust issues I've developed after a long distance relationship gone terribly wrong. So it'll take me a bit longer for me to say "this is something serious" nowadays... which, in general lesbian terms is a few months I think? I dunno haha. It's my nature to be constantly looking for love and commitment actually. I looked it up the other day and my personality type has *that* listed unfortunately! So it's virtually impossible for me to casually date someone (or some people), which is really all I've wanted to do for a long time.
I still don't know about getting "married" some day. I really do like the idea of being with the same woman for the rest of my life, but I've begun to doubt finding that someone who can put up with me and whom I can also deal with for that long. When I was four I told my mom I was gonna marry my best friend someday, so of course I've dreamt of marrying women! And I did love someone enough to consider proposing to her... I gave her a ring and everything to show her I was serious (and had one that matched it too!). Didn't work out though.
My dream wedding? Oh man, it'll be EPIC. I'm gonna rent out a HUGE area, sort of like a warehouse I guess, and the wedding and reception will be one big dance party. DJ Irene will spin for the entire evening and Reverend Run will perform the ceremony! Too bad I haven't found someone down for that awesome-tastic wedding.
I'm still up in the air about kids. Because I honestly feel nervous about them. I've attracted family-oriented women lately (which is hilarious in my opinion... a friend said I just exude responsibility or something that screams "good parent!") so I've been rethinking it, but I'm still on the side of "No." Especially coming from a larger family: I like my space. I like coming home to quiet when *everyone* is gone. I like being able to blare my music loud and have no one yelling at me to turn it down/off. My views can always change about this in the next few years, but right now I'm content with having four big dogs and no kids in my future.
If I were to have children, it'd definitely be adoption. Open or closed would probably be up to my wife, but if the dad's a crazy mofo, it'll be closed. It's definitely important that she want kids, because I'm still iffy about them now and will surely be later on. But, I'd hope she's not so desperate for children that she goes and gets herself knocked up...
I'm definitely down for adoption though, as there are simply wayyy too many kids out there who don't have parents and a home to go home to after school.
I still don't know about getting "married" some day. I really do like the idea of being with the same woman for the rest of my life, but I've begun to doubt finding that someone who can put up with me and whom I can also deal with for that long. When I was four I told my mom I was gonna marry my best friend someday, so of course I've dreamt of marrying women! And I did love someone enough to consider proposing to her... I gave her a ring and everything to show her I was serious (and had one that matched it too!). Didn't work out though.
My dream wedding? Oh man, it'll be EPIC. I'm gonna rent out a HUGE area, sort of like a warehouse I guess, and the wedding and reception will be one big dance party. DJ Irene will spin for the entire evening and Reverend Run will perform the ceremony! Too bad I haven't found someone down for that awesome-tastic wedding.
I'm still up in the air about kids. Because I honestly feel nervous about them. I've attracted family-oriented women lately (which is hilarious in my opinion... a friend said I just exude responsibility or something that screams "good parent!") so I've been rethinking it, but I'm still on the side of "No." Especially coming from a larger family: I like my space. I like coming home to quiet when *everyone* is gone. I like being able to blare my music loud and have no one yelling at me to turn it down/off. My views can always change about this in the next few years, but right now I'm content with having four big dogs and no kids in my future.
If I were to have children, it'd definitely be adoption. Open or closed would probably be up to my wife, but if the dad's a crazy mofo, it'll be closed. It's definitely important that she want kids, because I'm still iffy about them now and will surely be later on. But, I'd hope she's not so desperate for children that she goes and gets herself knocked up...
I'm definitely down for adoption though, as there are simply wayyy too many kids out there who don't have parents and a home to go home to after school.
LOGICAL PROGRESSIONS: Getting Married and Raising Children (James)
"Love's the only label that matters, and it never goes out of style." You'll have to excuse me, I just finished watching the Sex and the City movie for the 20th time this month! >.<
Well, when it comes to love, I believe there are soooo many different levels of intensity. But unfortunately, it's not an exact science. I do NOT believe in love at first sight. Lust, yes. Love, no. Most of the time when I enter a relationship, I'm fully aware that we'll just get what we want out of each other and part ways long before I even start loving him.
I don't really have a strict time-frame for when liking someone turns into loving him, but I'd say, for me, it takes more than three months. Usually, I can tell if I'm falling hard for a guy when I no longer view his flaws or shortcomings as such and start seeing them as powerful turn-ons, unique only to him.
I've gone back and forth on this next issue, but I definitely DO want to get married someday. When I was dealing with my homosexuality in high school, I sunk into a deep depression once I realized that I was never going to have my "Happily Ever After," I was never going to get married or have children, and I was just gonna live and die alone. ...Let's just say I don't feel that way anymore.
I think that marriage is less of a fairytale concept and more of a practical course of action that two committed adults take, not just for love but also for security reasons. Sadly, I definitely have not loved anyone enough to even consider the idea of proposing.
My ideal wedding would be an outlandish outdoor ceremony in a lush location, probably in Australia or Miami or Los Angeles, and it would be EPIC. For songs, I'm partial to one of Britney Spears' old B-sides, "When I Found You." FAB-U-LOUS.
Once again, it's practical for a married couple to have children, so of course, as a Capricorn, I think raising children (2 sounds like a good number) would be part of our obligation as a married couple. Ideally, I would want to pay a surrogate mother, who would only play a minor role in our children's upbringing but wouldn't be completely hidden away.
It is important that my partner want to raise children, because after a certain point, every relationship has to evolve... otherwise, you're just dicking around. But then again, there would be one loophole: nieces, nephews, godchildren, and pets just might fill the void if my partner was totally against us having kids... or if the process became too complicated or expensive.
Well, when it comes to love, I believe there are soooo many different levels of intensity. But unfortunately, it's not an exact science. I do NOT believe in love at first sight. Lust, yes. Love, no. Most of the time when I enter a relationship, I'm fully aware that we'll just get what we want out of each other and part ways long before I even start loving him.
I don't really have a strict time-frame for when liking someone turns into loving him, but I'd say, for me, it takes more than three months. Usually, I can tell if I'm falling hard for a guy when I no longer view his flaws or shortcomings as such and start seeing them as powerful turn-ons, unique only to him.
I've gone back and forth on this next issue, but I definitely DO want to get married someday. When I was dealing with my homosexuality in high school, I sunk into a deep depression once I realized that I was never going to have my "Happily Ever After," I was never going to get married or have children, and I was just gonna live and die alone. ...Let's just say I don't feel that way anymore.
I think that marriage is less of a fairytale concept and more of a practical course of action that two committed adults take, not just for love but also for security reasons. Sadly, I definitely have not loved anyone enough to even consider the idea of proposing.
My ideal wedding would be an outlandish outdoor ceremony in a lush location, probably in Australia or Miami or Los Angeles, and it would be EPIC. For songs, I'm partial to one of Britney Spears' old B-sides, "When I Found You." FAB-U-LOUS.
Once again, it's practical for a married couple to have children, so of course, as a Capricorn, I think raising children (2 sounds like a good number) would be part of our obligation as a married couple. Ideally, I would want to pay a surrogate mother, who would only play a minor role in our children's upbringing but wouldn't be completely hidden away.
It is important that my partner want to raise children, because after a certain point, every relationship has to evolve... otherwise, you're just dicking around. But then again, there would be one loophole: nieces, nephews, godchildren, and pets just might fill the void if my partner was totally against us having kids... or if the process became too complicated or expensive.
YOU ARE SUBJECT TO INSPECTION: My Sorority Sisters Size Up My Dates (Nelly)
I'm more likely the person to ask someone out. I usually tell them through sweet little things like mix CDs or waiting up all night just to talk to them. I normally don't pursue the crushes because, normally, what will happen is I'll be digging the girl and she'll turn around and get a girlfriend.
I usually spend an hour getting ready for dates. I try to look my best and in my top form: hair is just right, glasses spotless, smelling nice, clothes aren't wrinkly, breath is fresh, the whole nine yards. I usually take them out to restaurants or the movies. The traditional first date things. I usually pay, because that's just what I do.
The best date I've ever been on was a random one with my ex-girlfriend: she came down to visit from her school and I took her out to lunch. We spent most of the time talking while she played with my class ring and we wrote little notes on the table to each other.
1st base would be kisses/hugging, 2nd base would be make out sessions, 3rd base would be heavy petting/snuggle time, and home is sexy time of course. I don't really have any general rules for any of them: if we're feeling it, we could go all the way to third base on the first date. Never sexy time on the first date though. I'm not *that* easy.
I can usually tell if she wants to... she'll get this look in her eye and I'm on it. Other times I'll politely ask if I can and go from there. Most times we don't even get to the date, because she's gotten a girlfriend by the time I'm ready to ask her out.
I'm very much relationship-minded, despite recent developments in my personal life. I'm very tired of The Hunt, and coming up disappointed and hurt. It's hard to have faith in love when all you've gotten lately is slaps in the face telling you "You're cool, but I don't want you" from the greater lesbian populous. If we combine the two-times I dated the same woman, the longest relationship I had lasted two years and seven months. That doesn't count the roughly nine-month break we took from each other because of distance.
I know two girls who have been together for the last couple years, and two that are on rocky ground I guess right now? That's about it. I've wanted to try the dating game for a while now, but I know my jealous side wouldn't let me not think about the girl dating someone else as well as me. It's very troublesome actually.
When you're in a sorority, it's hard to keep a date under wraps for long periods of time. So, if the date can't pass sorority inspection, it's not exactly happening, because my sisters are my extended family.
IF the date passes that inspection, then EVERYONE knows within the coming weeks. Especially if we're both on Facebook, because then it has to be published on my profile for the world to know.
I have been in two long distance relationships. With the woman I mentioned prior. I only knew her through the internet, yes, but when we met it felt like we knew each other forever. And I was happy with it.
I can't exactly stay friends with my ex's. At least, not the most recent one, because to stay friend with her would mean she'd be pining over me for a long time and wouldn't be able to move on. I'm on speaking grounds again with the one who hurt me the most, but that's because it's taken nearly three years to get over what happened and to move on. Typical Cause of Death is either I'm not feeling it, she's not feeling it, or cheating. That's about it.
I usually spend an hour getting ready for dates. I try to look my best and in my top form: hair is just right, glasses spotless, smelling nice, clothes aren't wrinkly, breath is fresh, the whole nine yards. I usually take them out to restaurants or the movies. The traditional first date things. I usually pay, because that's just what I do.
The best date I've ever been on was a random one with my ex-girlfriend: she came down to visit from her school and I took her out to lunch. We spent most of the time talking while she played with my class ring and we wrote little notes on the table to each other.
1st base would be kisses/hugging, 2nd base would be make out sessions, 3rd base would be heavy petting/snuggle time, and home is sexy time of course. I don't really have any general rules for any of them: if we're feeling it, we could go all the way to third base on the first date. Never sexy time on the first date though. I'm not *that* easy.
I can usually tell if she wants to... she'll get this look in her eye and I'm on it. Other times I'll politely ask if I can and go from there. Most times we don't even get to the date, because she's gotten a girlfriend by the time I'm ready to ask her out.
I'm very much relationship-minded, despite recent developments in my personal life. I'm very tired of The Hunt, and coming up disappointed and hurt. It's hard to have faith in love when all you've gotten lately is slaps in the face telling you "You're cool, but I don't want you" from the greater lesbian populous. If we combine the two-times I dated the same woman, the longest relationship I had lasted two years and seven months. That doesn't count the roughly nine-month break we took from each other because of distance.
I know two girls who have been together for the last couple years, and two that are on rocky ground I guess right now? That's about it. I've wanted to try the dating game for a while now, but I know my jealous side wouldn't let me not think about the girl dating someone else as well as me. It's very troublesome actually.
When you're in a sorority, it's hard to keep a date under wraps for long periods of time. So, if the date can't pass sorority inspection, it's not exactly happening, because my sisters are my extended family.
IF the date passes that inspection, then EVERYONE knows within the coming weeks. Especially if we're both on Facebook, because then it has to be published on my profile for the world to know.
I have been in two long distance relationships. With the woman I mentioned prior. I only knew her through the internet, yes, but when we met it felt like we knew each other forever. And I was happy with it.
I can't exactly stay friends with my ex's. At least, not the most recent one, because to stay friend with her would mean she'd be pining over me for a long time and wouldn't be able to move on. I'm on speaking grounds again with the one who hurt me the most, but that's because it's taken nearly three years to get over what happened and to move on. Typical Cause of Death is either I'm not feeling it, she's not feeling it, or cheating. That's about it.
I'M AN OLD-FASHIONED GAY BOY: I Don't Put Out On The First Date (James)
Typically, I'm more likely to make the first move and ask someone out... and it sucks. I wish guys understood how much courage and humility it takes to ask someone out, but unfortunately, most of the guys around here would much rather sit back and wait.
If I like a guy, ideally, he must be OPENLY gay. That's the minimum risk situation, so I would typically wait about a month or two to make a move. If he's only out to a few people, then I probably would wait 6 months or I'd abandon the crush completely. If he's closeted, then it's totally up to him to make the effort. I've learned the hard way about the consequences of letting a closeted guy know that you like him. Statistically, I think I pursue 1 out of every 4 crushes I have at any given time.
When I do go on dates, I try to look my absolute best, which entails a lot of extra maintenance (eg. manscaping, lotion on the back, etc). Although I'd say I don't date very often, I haven't really gone two months without going on a date. Usually, I'd bring a date back to my dorm room, we'd order pizza, watch a movie, talk, dot dot dot.
Whenever I go OUT for a dinner date, we split the check. As we date more and more, sometimes I'll offer to pick up the check and he'll pick it up the next time. Sometimes I have felt uncomfortable bringing a guy to a restaurant, especially because of how tourist-y this town is... not everyone in the world is as accepting as the people on the Gettysburg College campus.
All my best dates were in the comfort of my old room, Lahm-10. I had music, the mood lighting, a huge DVD collection, and delicious pizza courtesy of La Bella Italia, a local restaurant. I've had dates that have gone on for well over 7 hours in that room. It was so comfortable and romantic that no one ever wanted to leave.
I'd say 1st base is hand-holding/footsie, 2nd base is hugging/on top of the clothes action, 3rd base is open-mouth kissing, and Home base would be any kind of sex. That said, I'm a traditional gay boy, and one of my "rules" is that I don't have sex on the first date.
Usually, I'm the one who's more likely to make the first move physically. Although I never used to enjoy kissing people (especially with tongue), now I'm perfectly fine with kissing a guy on or even before the first date. Not having sex on the first date doesn't guarantee that I'll put out on the second; it's all on a case-by-case basis. Usually, when I'm in a relationship, it takes less than a week for us to go to bed with each other.
For the longest time I was just playing the Dating Game, "slutting it up" to my heart's content, but lately, I've become more relationship-minded and more picky about who I date. Seriously, if a potential relationship doesn't have a future, then why even start dating?
I've never been in a long-term relationship, even though my first "boyfriend" and I courted each other for three years before getting serious. My longest relationship with a girl lasted 3 months and my longest relationship with a guy lasted about 4 months (but that's debatable). None of my gay friends are currently in long-term relationships. Hell, none of my gay friends have been in HEALTHY gay relationships for over a year.
When I'm dating someone and I think the relationship has a future, EVERYONE knows. I shout it to the mountain tops, write about it in my blog, and brag to anyone who'll listen. This is probably the biggest reason why I've chased so many men away. Openness, honesty, and loyalty are the three most important virtues I look for in a man, and only once have I even come close to finding the guy with all three.
Not until this past summer had I been in a gay long distance relationship... it sucked because it was a relationship without the thing I treasured most, the physical intimacy. Ironically, that's what made a LDR so appealing to me as a teen when I had several online girlfriends. I'd always call things off as soon as they mentioned flying to Tronica, MD (a town I made up for one of my stories) to meet me in-person. *cringe*
Once again, my public persona and excessive honesty are probably my most common relationship killers. Usually, I stay friends with my exes--not CLOSE friends--but friends nonetheless. In one special case, one of my ex-girlfriends and I didn't speak to each other for over a year in high school. Having not told her that my sexuality was the reason why I was distant, I must've made her feel so ugly, unattractive, and unworthy of love. And to this day, I regret that. Luckily, after that long period of silence followed by a period of bickering, we've now rekindled our close friendship and talk regularly via FaceBook.
As I've gotten older, I try to deal with breakups in a more mature fashion. Just because you break up doesn't mean you have to hate each other's guts... or at least, you don't have to show it.
If I like a guy, ideally, he must be OPENLY gay. That's the minimum risk situation, so I would typically wait about a month or two to make a move. If he's only out to a few people, then I probably would wait 6 months or I'd abandon the crush completely. If he's closeted, then it's totally up to him to make the effort. I've learned the hard way about the consequences of letting a closeted guy know that you like him. Statistically, I think I pursue 1 out of every 4 crushes I have at any given time.
When I do go on dates, I try to look my absolute best, which entails a lot of extra maintenance (eg. manscaping, lotion on the back, etc). Although I'd say I don't date very often, I haven't really gone two months without going on a date. Usually, I'd bring a date back to my dorm room, we'd order pizza, watch a movie, talk, dot dot dot.
Whenever I go OUT for a dinner date, we split the check. As we date more and more, sometimes I'll offer to pick up the check and he'll pick it up the next time. Sometimes I have felt uncomfortable bringing a guy to a restaurant, especially because of how tourist-y this town is... not everyone in the world is as accepting as the people on the Gettysburg College campus.
All my best dates were in the comfort of my old room, Lahm-10. I had music, the mood lighting, a huge DVD collection, and delicious pizza courtesy of La Bella Italia, a local restaurant. I've had dates that have gone on for well over 7 hours in that room. It was so comfortable and romantic that no one ever wanted to leave.
I'd say 1st base is hand-holding/footsie, 2nd base is hugging/on top of the clothes action, 3rd base is open-mouth kissing, and Home base would be any kind of sex. That said, I'm a traditional gay boy, and one of my "rules" is that I don't have sex on the first date.
Usually, I'm the one who's more likely to make the first move physically. Although I never used to enjoy kissing people (especially with tongue), now I'm perfectly fine with kissing a guy on or even before the first date. Not having sex on the first date doesn't guarantee that I'll put out on the second; it's all on a case-by-case basis. Usually, when I'm in a relationship, it takes less than a week for us to go to bed with each other.
For the longest time I was just playing the Dating Game, "slutting it up" to my heart's content, but lately, I've become more relationship-minded and more picky about who I date. Seriously, if a potential relationship doesn't have a future, then why even start dating?
I've never been in a long-term relationship, even though my first "boyfriend" and I courted each other for three years before getting serious. My longest relationship with a girl lasted 3 months and my longest relationship with a guy lasted about 4 months (but that's debatable). None of my gay friends are currently in long-term relationships. Hell, none of my gay friends have been in HEALTHY gay relationships for over a year.
When I'm dating someone and I think the relationship has a future, EVERYONE knows. I shout it to the mountain tops, write about it in my blog, and brag to anyone who'll listen. This is probably the biggest reason why I've chased so many men away. Openness, honesty, and loyalty are the three most important virtues I look for in a man, and only once have I even come close to finding the guy with all three.
Not until this past summer had I been in a gay long distance relationship... it sucked because it was a relationship without the thing I treasured most, the physical intimacy. Ironically, that's what made a LDR so appealing to me as a teen when I had several online girlfriends. I'd always call things off as soon as they mentioned flying to Tronica, MD (a town I made up for one of my stories) to meet me in-person. *cringe*
Once again, my public persona and excessive honesty are probably my most common relationship killers. Usually, I stay friends with my exes--not CLOSE friends--but friends nonetheless. In one special case, one of my ex-girlfriends and I didn't speak to each other for over a year in high school. Having not told her that my sexuality was the reason why I was distant, I must've made her feel so ugly, unattractive, and unworthy of love. And to this day, I regret that. Luckily, after that long period of silence followed by a period of bickering, we've now rekindled our close friendship and talk regularly via FaceBook.
As I've gotten older, I try to deal with breakups in a more mature fashion. Just because you break up doesn't mean you have to hate each other's guts... or at least, you don't have to show it.
BEFORE I WAS A BULL: I Was A Ballerina (Katelin)
When I was younger, I use to dance... Laugh it up, but I was a ballerina. Anyway, I had crushes on the older girls. I still remember the three of them. Four actually, but I certainly had a crush on all four of them. I didn’t know what it was; I was 5 years old. I thought they were soooooo cool and always wanted to be around them. After that, my first girlfriend was in 4th grade. It’s kinda crazy, but we were little bad kids running around doing things we probably shouldn’t.
I went to Catholic school my whole life, and God Hates Gays is basically what I was taught. No No, I stand corrected. God hates the ACTIONS, not the person. Big deal, so I can be a lesbian but can never look at a woman in that way.... Not gonna happen, pal, sorry! I went through my “Bi phase” in HS because "I noticed beautiful people, male or female." It never hit me that I NEVER thought a boy was beautiful, never had crushes on boys, but I certainly did on girls. College made me be more open with myself and I fully came out to myself first, then everyone else.
Now, I feel like my "obviousness" helps me not have to have that awkward "Hey. I'm gay" talk. If you can't tell, then it’s your loss.
And, no, I haven't questioned my sexuality since I've come out. I don't need to. All my good friends from home say to me that they've never seen me happier since I've been with girls. This is who I am, like it or love it!
I went to Catholic school my whole life, and God Hates Gays is basically what I was taught. No No, I stand corrected. God hates the ACTIONS, not the person. Big deal, so I can be a lesbian but can never look at a woman in that way.... Not gonna happen, pal, sorry! I went through my “Bi phase” in HS because "I noticed beautiful people, male or female." It never hit me that I NEVER thought a boy was beautiful, never had crushes on boys, but I certainly did on girls. College made me be more open with myself and I fully came out to myself first, then everyone else.
Now, I feel like my "obviousness" helps me not have to have that awkward "Hey. I'm gay" talk. If you can't tell, then it’s your loss.
And, no, I haven't questioned my sexuality since I've come out. I don't need to. All my good friends from home say to me that they've never seen me happier since I've been with girls. This is who I am, like it or love it!
I WANTED TO GET MARRIED: Just Like Ken and Barbie (Adaeze)
My first crush was my best friend in 2nd grade. I know I was young, but I remember just wanting to get married like we did with Ken and Barbie. She moved away and I was heartbroken. I cried for a long while. I wonder what she is doing now...
MY FIRST TEENAGE LOVE AFFAIR: The 1st Woman To Truly Break My Heart (Nelly)
First woman I ever fell for was my first real ex-girlfriend and the only one to ever truly break my heart and screw me up for relationships to come. She wasn't my first crush; no, that belonged to a girl I met in 8th grade... younger sister to another girl we went to school with. And I think she might've liked me back, but I never knew for sure. She was in 6th grade then, and made my heart pound in ways it's never done before.
I never told her, as I wasn't completely aware of my sexuality then. All I knew was I liked to hang around after school, walk her halfway home, and part ways with her when I needed to head back to my house. Some days I'd go back to school to walk her home.
It was weird, because it felt most natural to just hug her... hold her close and just keep her there, where I knew she was safe. No one really knew about her, let alone that I was so attracted to her. And, because all grades went in through different entrances back then (yes, our middle school was *that* stupid), when she and her sister (same grade as us) came to the front entrance I sometimes walked her over to the other one; or, in most cases, she just stayed with us.
I wasn't out in 8th grade; I had an inkling that I was gay, as something else happened that year: one of the other girls came up to where my friends and I were sitting at lunch and asked me if I wanted to go out with this guy named Jamal. I automatically responded with a no, citing it being weird that he shared a name with my brother. Of course, I wasn't attracted to him either; I just thought he was a nice guy.
Unfortunately, when I graduated middle school and went on to 9th grade, I rarely saw her. After about a year, she disappeared from the area entirely (as some people do). I'm half tempted to look her up on MySpace now, but wouldn't really know what to say to her. It's been years, y'know?
I never told her, as I wasn't completely aware of my sexuality then. All I knew was I liked to hang around after school, walk her halfway home, and part ways with her when I needed to head back to my house. Some days I'd go back to school to walk her home.
It was weird, because it felt most natural to just hug her... hold her close and just keep her there, where I knew she was safe. No one really knew about her, let alone that I was so attracted to her. And, because all grades went in through different entrances back then (yes, our middle school was *that* stupid), when she and her sister (same grade as us) came to the front entrance I sometimes walked her over to the other one; or, in most cases, she just stayed with us.
I wasn't out in 8th grade; I had an inkling that I was gay, as something else happened that year: one of the other girls came up to where my friends and I were sitting at lunch and asked me if I wanted to go out with this guy named Jamal. I automatically responded with a no, citing it being weird that he shared a name with my brother. Of course, I wasn't attracted to him either; I just thought he was a nice guy.
Unfortunately, when I graduated middle school and went on to 9th grade, I rarely saw her. After about a year, she disappeared from the area entirely (as some people do). I'm half tempted to look her up on MySpace now, but wouldn't really know what to say to her. It's been years, y'know?
MY ROCKETMAN: I Will Always Love You (James)
The first (and possibly, the only) man I ever really loved was... well, let's just call him by his old petname, "RocketMan." ;-) He and I met in the 6th grade. He wasn't all that bright, so the only classes we had together were Band and Gym. To tell you the truth, in the beginning, I actually had my eye on his best friend, who was also in the class. BUT... HE was the one who seemed fascinated with me and for some reason, loved to horse around in the locker room.
But I digress. I didn't start falling for him until the 6th grade overnight Band Trip to Busch Gardens. We shared a hotel room with two other guys with only two beds, so we chillaxed on the floor; as you might guess, fooling around ensued.
After nearly three years of courting back and forth and after his best friend moved away, he and I started hanging out at each other's houses every day after school. As I got to know him and realize that he was NOT as dense as I originally thought, I fell head over heels for him. And so, on one fateful Saturday afternoon in May of 2001, we both lost our virginity... while my parents were in the living room right above us. XD
Our relationship was almost entirely a secret, until one of my girl friends heard him say something she shouldn't have (about a "private sleepover invitation"), one day in English class. Back then, I liked the secrecy, I liked holding onto the hope that I was just bisexual... but nowadays, I feel that there's no place for secrecy in a mature relationship and VERRRRRRRRRY few men out there are worth hiding who you are.
Sadly, once we reached high school, we never had another class together and rarely ran into each other, but whenever we did and STILL do, it's as if no time has passed whatsoever and just the sound of his voice makes the hairs on my neck stick up... in a good way.
I'm extremely glad and lucky that my first time was with someone who I genuinely loved and will always love, now as a friend. We're forever connected and nothing will ever change that. ♥
But I digress. I didn't start falling for him until the 6th grade overnight Band Trip to Busch Gardens. We shared a hotel room with two other guys with only two beds, so we chillaxed on the floor; as you might guess, fooling around ensued.
After nearly three years of courting back and forth and after his best friend moved away, he and I started hanging out at each other's houses every day after school. As I got to know him and realize that he was NOT as dense as I originally thought, I fell head over heels for him. And so, on one fateful Saturday afternoon in May of 2001, we both lost our virginity... while my parents were in the living room right above us. XD
Our relationship was almost entirely a secret, until one of my girl friends heard him say something she shouldn't have (about a "private sleepover invitation"), one day in English class. Back then, I liked the secrecy, I liked holding onto the hope that I was just bisexual... but nowadays, I feel that there's no place for secrecy in a mature relationship and VERRRRRRRRRY few men out there are worth hiding who you are.
Sadly, once we reached high school, we never had another class together and rarely ran into each other, but whenever we did and STILL do, it's as if no time has passed whatsoever and just the sound of his voice makes the hairs on my neck stick up... in a good way.
I'm extremely glad and lucky that my first time was with someone who I genuinely loved and will always love, now as a friend. We're forever connected and nothing will ever change that. ♥
DEPRESSION GOT THE BEST OF ME: I'm In Love With Mary Jane (Katelin)
Let’s lay it out here... I had depression really bad and most people—not all but most—would never expect it outside of normal pressures and drama. Depression gets the best of me at a lot of points in my life but would be far worse had I not found my true lover... Mary Jane.
I smoke constantly. Sometimes for fun, sometimes to be able to do work, sometimes to clear my head and forget the bullshit that tends to surround me. Its a way to cope in times of trouble and a way to just chill out with my best friends because 90% of them do it too.
I smoke cigarettes like a chimney too. Its a habit at this point and I think its supported by my anxiety. I always need a cigarette in my hand when I’m walking round campus to keep my hands busy. Otherwise I’m constantly fidgeting. But at this point in my life, it's just an addiction and part of my routine I wish I never had began.
.... And caffeine is my lifeline (James, you know, you just saw me buy 3 Rockstars haha). I don't think it’s an addiction as much as it is I have a high tolerance for caffeine. But there are days I can't get through without my Monster or Rockstar.
I've never dated anyone who did anything more than smoke bud while I was with them. My ex was a cokehead for a minute but that ended before I even met her. There was always a fear she'd go back to her old ways but she proved me wrong and stayed away from drugs. In our case, pot was the reason we stayed together so long I feel. Fights would become meaningless after a couple hits of a blunt and we'd be best friends in an instant.
I smoke constantly. Sometimes for fun, sometimes to be able to do work, sometimes to clear my head and forget the bullshit that tends to surround me. Its a way to cope in times of trouble and a way to just chill out with my best friends because 90% of them do it too.
I smoke cigarettes like a chimney too. Its a habit at this point and I think its supported by my anxiety. I always need a cigarette in my hand when I’m walking round campus to keep my hands busy. Otherwise I’m constantly fidgeting. But at this point in my life, it's just an addiction and part of my routine I wish I never had began.
.... And caffeine is my lifeline (James, you know, you just saw me buy 3 Rockstars haha). I don't think it’s an addiction as much as it is I have a high tolerance for caffeine. But there are days I can't get through without my Monster or Rockstar.
I've never dated anyone who did anything more than smoke bud while I was with them. My ex was a cokehead for a minute but that ended before I even met her. There was always a fear she'd go back to her old ways but she proved me wrong and stayed away from drugs. In our case, pot was the reason we stayed together so long I feel. Fights would become meaningless after a couple hits of a blunt and we'd be best friends in an instant.
I DATED AN ADDICT: To Say "I Was Pressured To Join In" Would Be An Understatement! (Nelly)
It's not so much happy as content/restless. I've never been told I'm depressed or anything like that, nor have I ever had to take anything to manage my moods. I'm sure there's probably something a tiny bit off with me, but nothing a good night's rest and the occasional rant on LiveJournal won't fix. I'm one of James' friends that never had to take anti-depressants, so lucky me! haha. He *is* right though; quite a few of our crew were taking psychiatric drugs.
I've never felt dependent upon any substance, except maybe chocolate. That's my comfort food, really. Chocolate and ice cream. I drink, I smoke a few times a year, I smoke hookah with a friend on occasion (we've jokingly called it our Hookah Therapy sessions). I've tried marijuana before, and have been high before as well, but that's the most of it. No "hard" drugs or anything like that. Lately I've been craving an escape, but I know getting high won't help at all, so I'm trying to shake the feeling.
I was in a relationship with someone who was, and probably still is, a stoner. She was the person I first tried weed with as well. She was a lot of firsts for me, and we definitely got into arguments about how much she smoked; I didn't like how she seemed to be high almost daily, and how I always worried about how she might move on to harder drugs. A few years ago she told me she was dropping acid, so I felt powerless to stop her. Now though, I'm pretty sure she's still just getting high, which is a relief. To say I was pressured to join in would be an understatement; she wore down my resolve one night when I took her to a party after one of her shows. I did about a three-month stint with a couple other friends of mine after we broke up, just to see if I could figure out why she did it, but it didn't work, was getting expensive, and I just didn't feel like myself anymore.
But drug use was never the reason for any of my breakups, interestingly enough. I never drank with any of my girlfriends either; with the drug-using one, I hated beer and had to drive us back that night; the other two are two years younger than me. I've been drunk a handful of times recently, and know I won't go home with anyone at all. Typically, that’s because I'm surrounded by straight people at the parties, and partially because I know better.
I've never felt dependent upon any substance, except maybe chocolate. That's my comfort food, really. Chocolate and ice cream. I drink, I smoke a few times a year, I smoke hookah with a friend on occasion (we've jokingly called it our Hookah Therapy sessions). I've tried marijuana before, and have been high before as well, but that's the most of it. No "hard" drugs or anything like that. Lately I've been craving an escape, but I know getting high won't help at all, so I'm trying to shake the feeling.
I was in a relationship with someone who was, and probably still is, a stoner. She was the person I first tried weed with as well. She was a lot of firsts for me, and we definitely got into arguments about how much she smoked; I didn't like how she seemed to be high almost daily, and how I always worried about how she might move on to harder drugs. A few years ago she told me she was dropping acid, so I felt powerless to stop her. Now though, I'm pretty sure she's still just getting high, which is a relief. To say I was pressured to join in would be an understatement; she wore down my resolve one night when I took her to a party after one of her shows. I did about a three-month stint with a couple other friends of mine after we broke up, just to see if I could figure out why she did it, but it didn't work, was getting expensive, and I just didn't feel like myself anymore.
But drug use was never the reason for any of my breakups, interestingly enough. I never drank with any of my girlfriends either; with the drug-using one, I hated beer and had to drive us back that night; the other two are two years younger than me. I've been drunk a handful of times recently, and know I won't go home with anyone at all. Typically, that’s because I'm surrounded by straight people at the parties, and partially because I know better.
A SOCIAL DRINKER: If You Do It Alone, THEN You're An Alcoholic! (James)
Once upon a time, I was an extremely happy person, but since arriving at Gettysburg, I think I've become a healthy mix of happy and depressed on given days. Back in high school, my health teacher was alone in thinking that I was manic depressive and recommended I seek help. I've never been diagnosed for depression or prescribed drugs to combat it. However, nearly ALL of my close friends in middle and high school were regularly taking these psychiatric drugs.
By no stretch am I heavy drug user. I drink socially, and smoke, at most, twice a year, and I've never done any "hard" drugs. Typically, I only drink when my friends and I are hanging out... because if you drink alone, then you're an alcoholic. Last semester was the only time when I felt dependent on alcohol to make me feel better; at that time, I was extremely stressed, bitter, and sad, and Smirnoff was there to numb the pain temporarily. It used to be one of the highlights of my week, but now I don't depend on it.
Surprisingly, I've never been in a relationship with a repeat drug user. But I do suspect that one of my exes was depressed because I was constantly finding packets of pills around the room. They might have been Enzyte (the performance enhancer), since that's the only drug he admitted to using.
Typically, when I'm drinking at a party, my current boyfriend would be there as well doing the same, but it's very important to me that I don't MEET people and go home with them when I'm drunk. If I did, then I wouldn't know if I actually like them that much, or if it was just the "beer goggles."
By no stretch am I heavy drug user. I drink socially, and smoke, at most, twice a year, and I've never done any "hard" drugs. Typically, I only drink when my friends and I are hanging out... because if you drink alone, then you're an alcoholic. Last semester was the only time when I felt dependent on alcohol to make me feel better; at that time, I was extremely stressed, bitter, and sad, and Smirnoff was there to numb the pain temporarily. It used to be one of the highlights of my week, but now I don't depend on it.
Surprisingly, I've never been in a relationship with a repeat drug user. But I do suspect that one of my exes was depressed because I was constantly finding packets of pills around the room. They might have been Enzyte (the performance enhancer), since that's the only drug he admitted to using.
Typically, when I'm drinking at a party, my current boyfriend would be there as well doing the same, but it's very important to me that I don't MEET people and go home with them when I'm drunk. If I did, then I wouldn't know if I actually like them that much, or if it was just the "beer goggles."
I ALWAYS WANTED A SINGLE: I Suck At Choosing Roommates (James)
Freshman year I was randomly matched with Sean, a straight Lacrosse player from Babylon, NY. Surprisingly, he was completely accepting of my sexual orientation and didn't treat me any differently upon finding out... in fact, I think this revelation made him try even harder to come off as open-minded. I felt perfectly comfortable bringing guys back to the bedroom, though he didn't usually bring the girls back.
My Huber Hallmates were EXTREMELY accepting, though I was a bit suspicious of two guys who seemed uncomfortable discussing anything gay-related. Other than that, practically all the girls on my floor had borrowed and passed around my "Queer As Folk: Season One" boxed set. I found it cool that Sean would sometimes watch "QAF" with me, have no idea what was going on, but would let me know that he supported all of it.
I think Sean was a little uncomfortable getting dressed in front of me at first, but then I think he realized that not ALL gay guys were attracted to him, and he stopped being awkward. There were probably brief moments in the year when I did find him physically attractive, but of course, I never acted on any desires I might've had.
My first big mistake occurred during my sophomore year when I roomed with Billy, one of my ex-boyfriends. As I got to know him better as a roommate, I also found out that he was a Log Cabin Republican and possibly, bisexual. At the same time, it was a horrible yet wonderful experience. We had some bitter arguments, but we also had interesting 5-hour conversations.
The entire time we lived together, we never so much as hugged. Even though he and I had been intimate while we were dating (Spring 2006), I still have never seen him with his shirt off... he was slightly overweight and was afraid of offending people with his naked body. I'm the exact opposite; my motto's "Skin to the Wind!" I felt perfectly comfortable (un)dressing with him in the room, but he'd always dress himself in our tiny bathroom, despite how physically uncomfortable I imagine it was.
Since we had broken up over four months prior, I'm confident I wasn't still attracted to him while we bunked together. I felt comfortable bringing dates back to the room to meet Billy, but more often than not, my steady date was one of HIS ex-lovers, so he would usually find a reason to leave the dorm.
My even bigger mistake was rooming with Jinming, an International student, during my junior year. He spoke very little English and never cleaned up after himself. I don't even know if he knew I was gay until he saw me making out and writhing around on the floor with my boyfriend at the time.
I do believe he was straight, though he didn't go out on dates. It didn't really matter since I wasn't remotely attracted to him. I'm not sure how accepting he was of me, because frequently, he spoke Chinese with his friends and on the phone, so I never knew if he was actually mocking or insulting me. I never felt threatened by him, but I was scared by the cloud of mystery surrounding him. The ONLY thing we had in common was that we were both Film Studies majors. That year, I suspect that we had a gay CL, who did a pretty good job, but as far as I know, he has yet to come out.
This year has brought about my best roommate situation. I was placed with Travis, a long-time ALLiES member who was actually the first person I met @ Gettysburg College (on G.I.V. Day). He and are both Black gay men, and No, we have never been romantically involved. At times, I have found him physically attractive, but most of the time, I treat him like my little brother. We're both comfortable (un)dressing in front of each other, and that hasn't been remotely awkward, as far as I know.
I like rooming with Travis because it's fun to talk with someone about crushes, who we're dating, and gay pop culture without him getting grossed out or thinking that I'm perverted.
Living in ALLiES House has been amazing! Although seeing one of my exes on a daily basis drove me insane last semester, now I'm feeling much more at ease here. I feel like everyone in the house respects each other and is completely supportive when anyone's dating.
And although Jai [Schock] isn't an official House Leader, she has been a wonderful "Gay Den Mother" to us all. She's a pro at giving people advice on romantic relationships, as well as dealing with an array of personal problems.
My Huber Hallmates were EXTREMELY accepting, though I was a bit suspicious of two guys who seemed uncomfortable discussing anything gay-related. Other than that, practically all the girls on my floor had borrowed and passed around my "Queer As Folk: Season One" boxed set. I found it cool that Sean would sometimes watch "QAF" with me, have no idea what was going on, but would let me know that he supported all of it.
I think Sean was a little uncomfortable getting dressed in front of me at first, but then I think he realized that not ALL gay guys were attracted to him, and he stopped being awkward. There were probably brief moments in the year when I did find him physically attractive, but of course, I never acted on any desires I might've had.
My first big mistake occurred during my sophomore year when I roomed with Billy, one of my ex-boyfriends. As I got to know him better as a roommate, I also found out that he was a Log Cabin Republican and possibly, bisexual. At the same time, it was a horrible yet wonderful experience. We had some bitter arguments, but we also had interesting 5-hour conversations.
The entire time we lived together, we never so much as hugged. Even though he and I had been intimate while we were dating (Spring 2006), I still have never seen him with his shirt off... he was slightly overweight and was afraid of offending people with his naked body. I'm the exact opposite; my motto's "Skin to the Wind!" I felt perfectly comfortable (un)dressing with him in the room, but he'd always dress himself in our tiny bathroom, despite how physically uncomfortable I imagine it was.
Since we had broken up over four months prior, I'm confident I wasn't still attracted to him while we bunked together. I felt comfortable bringing dates back to the room to meet Billy, but more often than not, my steady date was one of HIS ex-lovers, so he would usually find a reason to leave the dorm.
My even bigger mistake was rooming with Jinming, an International student, during my junior year. He spoke very little English and never cleaned up after himself. I don't even know if he knew I was gay until he saw me making out and writhing around on the floor with my boyfriend at the time.
I do believe he was straight, though he didn't go out on dates. It didn't really matter since I wasn't remotely attracted to him. I'm not sure how accepting he was of me, because frequently, he spoke Chinese with his friends and on the phone, so I never knew if he was actually mocking or insulting me. I never felt threatened by him, but I was scared by the cloud of mystery surrounding him. The ONLY thing we had in common was that we were both Film Studies majors. That year, I suspect that we had a gay CL, who did a pretty good job, but as far as I know, he has yet to come out.
This year has brought about my best roommate situation. I was placed with Travis, a long-time ALLiES member who was actually the first person I met @ Gettysburg College (on G.I.V. Day). He and are both Black gay men, and No, we have never been romantically involved. At times, I have found him physically attractive, but most of the time, I treat him like my little brother. We're both comfortable (un)dressing in front of each other, and that hasn't been remotely awkward, as far as I know.
I like rooming with Travis because it's fun to talk with someone about crushes, who we're dating, and gay pop culture without him getting grossed out or thinking that I'm perverted.
Living in ALLiES House has been amazing! Although seeing one of my exes on a daily basis drove me insane last semester, now I'm feeling much more at ease here. I feel like everyone in the house respects each other and is completely supportive when anyone's dating.
And although Jai [Schock] isn't an official House Leader, she has been a wonderful "Gay Den Mother" to us all. She's a pro at giving people advice on romantic relationships, as well as dealing with an array of personal problems.
I HAD A HOMOPHOBIC ROOMMATE: She Refused To Watch RENT and Tila Tequila (Tory)
Freshman year I lived with a girl I would consider homophobic. She never said anything specific about why or anything. I've never even heard her say anything negative about homosexuality, but she refused to watch Rent or A Shot at Love just because homosexuality was a topic and gay people were involved. She's still one of my close friends, but needless to say, I will not be bringing her over to Allies house... We did have some tension because of this, but generally I avoiding bringing up the subject since we had a great relationship otherwise.
Sophomore year my roommate was bisexual, but only out to a small number of people on campus, because she thought her teammates would not approve. Since living with her she has come out, and is now living with my Freshman year roommate (as of last week)...so this should be an interesting situation.
Sophomore year my roommate was bisexual, but only out to a small number of people on campus, because she thought her teammates would not approve. Since living with her she has come out, and is now living with my Freshman year roommate (as of last week)...so this should be an interesting situation.
I DON'T SWITCH PRONOUNS: If You Can't Accept the SHE, Then You Don't Deserve To Hear My Story! (Katelin)
Sophomore year of college, I first came out. The first person I told was my friend from home, the one I thought would take it best and be able to help me. She said "I knew it," and that was pretty much it. After that, it was a snowball effect. I felt so liberated. People actually liked me still. I lost no real friends from it, and I could be myself, which is HUGE. One of the things I’m proud of myself for is the ability to be myself and truthfully not care what anyone thinks, especially on Gettysburg campus... How you gonna hate on me when you rockin’ mini-skirts with Ugg boots?
I've told my mother I'm gay… She told me I wasn't. I never told my father or brother. They must know to some degree, but I honestly don't feel like they deserve to know. Both are conservative assholes sometimes. To keep my sanity, I've just decided they don’t need to know.
Oddly enough though, my mom and I used to talk about gay rights all the time when she thought I was just a “friend-o-gays.” Now, she shuts the topic down as soon as she can. What can i say? My mother loves Bill O'Reilly.
I don't introduce myself as “Katelin the LESBIAN,” but everyone figures it out. I'm butch, dyke, AG, whatever you want to call me, so it’s kinda hard to miss.
As proud as I am of who I've become... there's just some places where you can't be gay. This summer, I had an internship out in NYC. I had to dress up like a girl, carry a purse... it completely wasn't me. I felt part of my soul being drained every morning when I would put these “femme” clothes on. I would run home and put basketball shorts on and my NO BITCH ASS NESS shirt with some Jordans and run outside to The Village to go be gay and prance around.
Anyone my age, my peers, can know I'm gay. When my safety or my family's safety are in jeopardy, I will remain quiet though.
Haha, in class, I don't advertise myself as the gay chick, except my creative writing class I took. I wrote about lesbians because I know about lesbians. I wasn't ashamed. I would never pretend I’m not gay, as I said, it’s obvious for the most part that I am. I never ever have changed pronouns. I would rather not talk about what I was going to say if I need to disrespect my girlfriend by calling her a him. If you can't accept the SHE, then you don't deserve to hear my story!
I've told my mother I'm gay… She told me I wasn't. I never told my father or brother. They must know to some degree, but I honestly don't feel like they deserve to know. Both are conservative assholes sometimes. To keep my sanity, I've just decided they don’t need to know.
Oddly enough though, my mom and I used to talk about gay rights all the time when she thought I was just a “friend-o-gays.” Now, she shuts the topic down as soon as she can. What can i say? My mother loves Bill O'Reilly.
I don't introduce myself as “Katelin the LESBIAN,” but everyone figures it out. I'm butch, dyke, AG, whatever you want to call me, so it’s kinda hard to miss.
As proud as I am of who I've become... there's just some places where you can't be gay. This summer, I had an internship out in NYC. I had to dress up like a girl, carry a purse... it completely wasn't me. I felt part of my soul being drained every morning when I would put these “femme” clothes on. I would run home and put basketball shorts on and my NO BITCH ASS NESS shirt with some Jordans and run outside to The Village to go be gay and prance around.
Anyone my age, my peers, can know I'm gay. When my safety or my family's safety are in jeopardy, I will remain quiet though.
Haha, in class, I don't advertise myself as the gay chick, except my creative writing class I took. I wrote about lesbians because I know about lesbians. I wasn't ashamed. I would never pretend I’m not gay, as I said, it’s obvious for the most part that I am. I never ever have changed pronouns. I would rather not talk about what I was going to say if I need to disrespect my girlfriend by calling her a him. If you can't accept the SHE, then you don't deserve to hear my story!
MY SO-CALLED BISEXUALTY: Generally I Don't Act On It (Tory)
There are very few people that know about my slight bisexuality. Though I don't think it would be a big deal, I don't feel the urge to tell many people since it's not something I generally act on or plan on pursuing.
PRIVILEGED INFORMATION: I Don't Tell Anyone Until I Know Him/Her (Adaeze)
I came out to my friends and sister in high school, and then a week later, I told my mom.
I didn't lose any friends, but my family life has changed… a lot. My mother tries to push guys onto me now, and we don't talk to each other as much as we did before.
I don't hide my sexuality. If someone asks if I'm gay, I say yes. Sometimes I joke about it to make others feel a little comfortable.
I don't often initiate the conversation that I am bisexual until I know that person well, but then again, if someone asks, I tell...hehe.
I've told one professor that I'm bisexual...well she guessed ^_^ but other than that unless I'm friends with the professor, I don't tell them much about myself.
I’ve never had to discuss romance in class yet but when if I do I most likely would say “someone” or use third-person pronouns.
I didn't lose any friends, but my family life has changed… a lot. My mother tries to push guys onto me now, and we don't talk to each other as much as we did before.
I don't hide my sexuality. If someone asks if I'm gay, I say yes. Sometimes I joke about it to make others feel a little comfortable.
I don't often initiate the conversation that I am bisexual until I know that person well, but then again, if someone asks, I tell...hehe.
I've told one professor that I'm bisexual...well she guessed ^_^ but other than that unless I'm friends with the professor, I don't tell them much about myself.
I’ve never had to discuss romance in class yet but when if I do I most likely would say “someone” or use third-person pronouns.
PAINFUL AND UNNECESSARY: My Irrational Fear of Coming Out as a SINGLE Gay Man (James)
The first time I admitted to someone I was gay was actually in the 10th grade (2001), I believe. Back then, my friend, known around NHS as “Big Gay John,” and I would IM each other almost every night. On one fateful night, I just had the urge to share the secret with someone. I shared one of my favorite gay porn sites with him, and for a while, it brought us closer... until he pressured me into coming out on a wider scale by playfully teasing me in public. I wasn’t ready to tell everyone, and I refused to come out as a single gay man. That would be pathetic and unnecessary.
The second time I came out was more formal and well thought-out. At my annual Halloween party in 2004, I came out to two of my best friends, Nelly (LF) and Alexis (SF). I pulled them aside and showed them my favorite scene from Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss: the tuxedo waltz between Sean Hayes and Brad Rowe. However, when other friends at school started asking me about it, I retreated back into my bisexual act. I wish I hadn’t just assumed that my friends would keep quiet on the subject… after all, I didn’t tell them that they couldn’t spread the news.
I didn’t come out to my family until the summer of 2007, and it was certainly NOT on my terms. Somehow this gay porn distributor had my home address but my father/brother’s name, so my father saw one of the catalogs. Of course, I’m not stupid enough to have porn sent to my home address, so I’m still in the dark about what really happened. When my dad found this mail, he immediately accused my brother and was even threatening to kick him out of the house, but I stepped up and said it was mine (even though it wasn’t), and my dad just dropped the matter entirely.
In the following days he did pull me aside for short lectures, but he was/is not well-informed enough to do that successfully. This man watches CNN everyday, and yet he believes that all gay men are promiscuous, that HIV/AIDS is a gay disease, and that faith in God would turn me around… even though he is not religious at all. It was all very hypocritical of him to preach to me, and I let him know that LOUD AND CLEAR. He’d ask questions like, “How do you know you’re gay?” And I’d respond, “Well, I’m physically attracted to men, not women. I’ve always been gay but I didn’t fully realize it until puberty.” …And then he would just go back to watching TV.
Although I’m happy that my family was finally allowed to acknowledge what they’d known all along, I do regret that my mother and my sister had to hear it from my father and not from me. Of all people, my mother has always taken a genuine interest in my life, encouraged me to follow my dreams, gotten to know my friends, supported whatever I wanted to do… of all people, she deserved to hear it straight from me.
When I talked to her about it that night, I had to fight the tears because I kept something so big from the most important person in my life. And the tears really started welling up when she told me how she loved me no matter what, and that in her heart, she always knew. My father never admitted that, but he was the main person who made me feel emasculated as a child, the main person who teased for being even remotely feminine, and yet he claimed that he “couldn’t even wrap his head around the idea.” Yeah… right!
I have lost quite a few friends from high school after coming out. However, I think they separated themselves from me because they felt lied to—not because they hate gays. Typically, I’m very comfortable coming out to people I’ve just met. I guess it’s my atonement for all the years I stayed silent. I think the biggest problem on our campus is that not enough people are open and willing to talk about being gay… which has been THE major obstacle in shooting this documentary.
Although I’m very OUT to the openly gay professors and I’m willing to talk to them about my past-and-present relationships both in and out of the classroom, I don’t discuss my homosexuality with the vast majority of the other professors… unless they ask. When topics related to queer theory pop up in class, I usually won’t give a personal example because a) I don’t want to become the “token gay” in the class, and b) I don’t want my personal life to affect my grade positively or negatively. Some professors are more conservative than others, and if I don’t know where they stand, I don’t like to risk it. But I don’t bother switching pronouns if the professor calls on me specifically, because I know everyone in the class has FaceBook, so they already know what I’m into.
The second time I came out was more formal and well thought-out. At my annual Halloween party in 2004, I came out to two of my best friends, Nelly (LF) and Alexis (SF). I pulled them aside and showed them my favorite scene from Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss: the tuxedo waltz between Sean Hayes and Brad Rowe. However, when other friends at school started asking me about it, I retreated back into my bisexual act. I wish I hadn’t just assumed that my friends would keep quiet on the subject… after all, I didn’t tell them that they couldn’t spread the news.
I didn’t come out to my family until the summer of 2007, and it was certainly NOT on my terms. Somehow this gay porn distributor had my home address but my father/brother’s name, so my father saw one of the catalogs. Of course, I’m not stupid enough to have porn sent to my home address, so I’m still in the dark about what really happened. When my dad found this mail, he immediately accused my brother and was even threatening to kick him out of the house, but I stepped up and said it was mine (even though it wasn’t), and my dad just dropped the matter entirely.
In the following days he did pull me aside for short lectures, but he was/is not well-informed enough to do that successfully. This man watches CNN everyday, and yet he believes that all gay men are promiscuous, that HIV/AIDS is a gay disease, and that faith in God would turn me around… even though he is not religious at all. It was all very hypocritical of him to preach to me, and I let him know that LOUD AND CLEAR. He’d ask questions like, “How do you know you’re gay?” And I’d respond, “Well, I’m physically attracted to men, not women. I’ve always been gay but I didn’t fully realize it until puberty.” …And then he would just go back to watching TV.
Although I’m happy that my family was finally allowed to acknowledge what they’d known all along, I do regret that my mother and my sister had to hear it from my father and not from me. Of all people, my mother has always taken a genuine interest in my life, encouraged me to follow my dreams, gotten to know my friends, supported whatever I wanted to do… of all people, she deserved to hear it straight from me.
When I talked to her about it that night, I had to fight the tears because I kept something so big from the most important person in my life. And the tears really started welling up when she told me how she loved me no matter what, and that in her heart, she always knew. My father never admitted that, but he was the main person who made me feel emasculated as a child, the main person who teased for being even remotely feminine, and yet he claimed that he “couldn’t even wrap his head around the idea.” Yeah… right!
I have lost quite a few friends from high school after coming out. However, I think they separated themselves from me because they felt lied to—not because they hate gays. Typically, I’m very comfortable coming out to people I’ve just met. I guess it’s my atonement for all the years I stayed silent. I think the biggest problem on our campus is that not enough people are open and willing to talk about being gay… which has been THE major obstacle in shooting this documentary.
Although I’m very OUT to the openly gay professors and I’m willing to talk to them about my past-and-present relationships both in and out of the classroom, I don’t discuss my homosexuality with the vast majority of the other professors… unless they ask. When topics related to queer theory pop up in class, I usually won’t give a personal example because a) I don’t want to become the “token gay” in the class, and b) I don’t want my personal life to affect my grade positively or negatively. Some professors are more conservative than others, and if I don’t know where they stand, I don’t like to risk it. But I don’t bother switching pronouns if the professor calls on me specifically, because I know everyone in the class has FaceBook, so they already know what I’m into.
SLIGHTLY BISEXUAL: Generally I Pursue Relationships With Men (Tory)
I first questioned my sexuality in 8th grade. I had a wonderful science teacher who was so nice to me and I had a bit of a crush on her. I eventually dismissed it as friendly feelings and nothing more.
In high school I was often attracted to women, including some of my friends, but since I spent my first few years of HS in Virginia, which is still very unaccepting of homosexuality, I ignored it again.
After coming to college and discussing my feelings with both high school and college friends, I understand myself much more. I consider myself slightly bisexual...in general I am attracted to men and pursue relationships with men, but I am also attracted to women, though I do not believe I will ever have a relationship with a woman. I don't usually act on my bisexual feelings, but I comment more about it to people who know me the best.
In high school I was often attracted to women, including some of my friends, but since I spent my first few years of HS in Virginia, which is still very unaccepting of homosexuality, I ignored it again.
After coming to college and discussing my feelings with both high school and college friends, I understand myself much more. I consider myself slightly bisexual...in general I am attracted to men and pursue relationships with men, but I am also attracted to women, though I do not believe I will ever have a relationship with a woman. I don't usually act on my bisexual feelings, but I comment more about it to people who know me the best.
I HAD NO IDEA WHAT A LESBIAN WAS: But I Knew I Liked Girls (Adaeze)
I liked girls before guys. I knew I liked girls in 4th or 5th grade and didn't know what the word “lesbian” meant, but I knew I liked girls. It was during 6th grade was when I had my first male crush. I was like, "Whoa, do I like guys now?" I was completely confused until high school. I talked to some of my older friends and I did some soul searcher kind of thing and I understood that I was bisexual. I felt at peace.
THAT TINGLING SENSATION: I Enjoyed Wrestling A Little TOO Much (James)
My first experience with sexual attraction occurred when I was 4 years old. Nearly every single afternoon, my partner-in-crime, Andrew, and I would have EPIC wrestling matches on the ranch behind our babysitter’s house. Of course, back then, I didn’t realize that that “tingling sensation” was intense sexual attraction, BUT when I was 11 years old, and I started to have recurring wet dreams about men, I finally put 2 and 2 together. Unlike the girls I’ve interviewed, I had no emotional attachment to Andrew whatsoever. He made me feel good physically, and I guess I just assumed that all guys felt that way when engaged in mortal combat. :D
I’m sure that everyone in my family knew that I was gay LONG before I did. My siblings and I would race each other in my mom’s high heels. For a home video, I dressed up as Dorothy and the three of us [my older sister, brother, and I] danced to Salt ‘N Pepa’s “Shoop.” I always kept my fingernails LONG in elementary school... but then again, I trimmed them with scissors so that they were razor-sharp points.
I totally thought my friends were in the dark until I saw myself on videotape, and for the first time, I saw my flamboyant mannerisms and heard my queer voice. It was a wake-up call, and for the longest time, I attempted to “butch it up.” Plus, up until the 10th grade, I genuinely believed that I was bisexual and I was consistently dating girls. But when I couldn’t make a relationship work with one of my best friends, Amanda Panda, I knew that I could never make it work with any woman. By avoiding sex with her, I really hurt her feelings, made her feel ugly and unwanted, and I never want to put anyone else through that.
Unfortunately, in high school, girls were still attracted to me, so maybe my “obviousness” wasn’t as strong as I originally thought. When I came out, I only disclosed it to my closest friends and only hinted at it with my other classmates.
Sometimes, I do question my sexuality. I’ve been hurt repeatedly by men that I cared about, and for a split second every now and then, I just want to be asexual, as Nelly said. The fact of the matter is, I’m damaged goods and I have some emotional baggage… but switching teams wouldn’t help me; it would just hurt somebody else.
I’m sure that everyone in my family knew that I was gay LONG before I did. My siblings and I would race each other in my mom’s high heels. For a home video, I dressed up as Dorothy and the three of us [my older sister, brother, and I] danced to Salt ‘N Pepa’s “Shoop.” I always kept my fingernails LONG in elementary school... but then again, I trimmed them with scissors so that they were razor-sharp points.
I totally thought my friends were in the dark until I saw myself on videotape, and for the first time, I saw my flamboyant mannerisms and heard my queer voice. It was a wake-up call, and for the longest time, I attempted to “butch it up.” Plus, up until the 10th grade, I genuinely believed that I was bisexual and I was consistently dating girls. But when I couldn’t make a relationship work with one of my best friends, Amanda Panda, I knew that I could never make it work with any woman. By avoiding sex with her, I really hurt her feelings, made her feel ugly and unwanted, and I never want to put anyone else through that.
Unfortunately, in high school, girls were still attracted to me, so maybe my “obviousness” wasn’t as strong as I originally thought. When I came out, I only disclosed it to my closest friends and only hinted at it with my other classmates.
Sometimes, I do question my sexuality. I’ve been hurt repeatedly by men that I cared about, and for a split second every now and then, I just want to be asexual, as Nelly said. The fact of the matter is, I’m damaged goods and I have some emotional baggage… but switching teams wouldn’t help me; it would just hurt somebody else.
CARETAKER: I Always Wanted To Be the "Man" in the Relationship (Nelly)
The first time I had homosexual thoughts was when I was a little girl I suppose. I didn't know what it was, but I always wanted to be the "man" in a relationship and told my best friend at the time I was gonna marry her when I got older. It took me a while to figure it out, yes. I didn't realize I was probably gay until I was in 8th grade. I was sure that year because I wanted to be as close to this sixth grader as I possibly could be for a while. And there was this one dance I went to..... yeahhhhh....
I'm sure other people knew I was gay before I knew. My mom told me she knew before I knew. I'm sure most of my friends knew before I did. And it made it a whole lot easier to come out because most of them didn't even bat an eye when I came to school one day with my "I Kiss Girls" t-shirt on.
Sometimes I question my identity. I mean, after numerous failed relationships I think I may be more asexual than an actual lesbian, especially because I'm not a big fan of sex... for various reasons.
I'm sure other people knew I was gay before I knew. My mom told me she knew before I knew. I'm sure most of my friends knew before I did. And it made it a whole lot easier to come out because most of them didn't even bat an eye when I came to school one day with my "I Kiss Girls" t-shirt on.
Sometimes I question my identity. I mean, after numerous failed relationships I think I may be more asexual than an actual lesbian, especially because I'm not a big fan of sex... for various reasons.
I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT RELIGION: That's Why I Took Theology Classes In College (Celia)
I was baptized Christian, and my family sort of fell away from church when I was in my early teens. I asked them to take me back to get confirmed—I was always so curious about religion and very interested in it. I still am.
I took a ton of different religious classes in college and was a sociology/anthropology major. I loved learning about why people believed different things, the need/want to believe, and different things that people believed and how that differed from what I believe.
We invited Buzz from the Religion department to come speak about the Bible and homosexuality. He does an amazing job. I also love the UCC’s "God is still speaking" campaign.
I don't really align my views with any one religion—and while church is sometimes an interesting place to go, I haven't really found that organized religion works for me right now. Maybe some day in the future!
I took a ton of different religious classes in college and was a sociology/anthropology major. I loved learning about why people believed different things, the need/want to believe, and different things that people believed and how that differed from what I believe.
We invited Buzz from the Religion department to come speak about the Bible and homosexuality. He does an amazing job. I also love the UCC’s "God is still speaking" campaign.
I don't really align my views with any one religion—and while church is sometimes an interesting place to go, I haven't really found that organized religion works for me right now. Maybe some day in the future!
RAISED CATHOLIC: I'm Now An Atheist (Katelin)
I grew up Catholic. From kindergarten to 12th grade, I went to Catholic school. Tell me that shit didn't mess with my head!
Today, I'm an atheist. I have a better time believing we are some alien science project than there is some dude looming over us watching and knowing everything we do. But of course, I don’t believe the alien thing either.
I hate religion. Religion was needed when fire couldn't be explained, and people needed to believe there is something out there after they died.
I've created my own spiritual views... do good and good will come to you. I don’t follow any one religion. I follow common sense.
Today, I'm an atheist. I have a better time believing we are some alien science project than there is some dude looming over us watching and knowing everything we do. But of course, I don’t believe the alien thing either.
I hate religion. Religion was needed when fire couldn't be explained, and people needed to believe there is something out there after they died.
I've created my own spiritual views... do good and good will come to you. I don’t follow any one religion. I follow common sense.
REPRESSION IS UNNECESSARY: Paganism Celebrates Sexuality of All Kinds (DeLue)
I was baptized catholic and raised vaguely Christian. My father's side of the family is Christian, while my mother's side of the family is Athiest. I was raised believing in god in some vague and not very regimented sense until I started to question. Thus began the "research" phase of my religious life.
I started researching religion as a whole. Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Taoism, Paganism, Satanism and have discovered a great deal about organized religion. I've also learned that religion cannot be judged by texts, but by people.
I describe myself as a Buddhist/Pagan and am not much for organized religion. I am very happy with the philosophies of Paganism and Buddhism and they reaffirm not only my spirituality but my belief in the innate good of all men and women.
I'm a firm believer in a separation between church and state.
Religion to me is very important not really in the way of meditation prayer and ritual (though I want to make that a larger part of my life) but as a guide for the way I live. I used to listen to a podcast called Pagan Living, and she told you exactly that, how to live pagan. Not just do a ceremony on full moons or things like that but trying to be a good pagan every day through my actions. I'm happy I found a path that's as accepting as I did. Sexuality in paganism is not a dirty hidden disgusting part of us, but a celebrated and wonderful and magical and spiritual part of every one of our beings' no matter who it is with. Homosexuality is as celebrated and supported as heterosexuality.
In defense of Satanism, though it may seem like a "all for #1" philosophy, it's really about satisfaction and what people earn from you. A Satanist will be your best friend because you have earned trust and loyalty from them. This is hardly thinking only for yourself. Just playing devil's advocate. (Hehe, I made a funny...)
I started researching religion as a whole. Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Taoism, Paganism, Satanism and have discovered a great deal about organized religion. I've also learned that religion cannot be judged by texts, but by people.
I describe myself as a Buddhist/Pagan and am not much for organized religion. I am very happy with the philosophies of Paganism and Buddhism and they reaffirm not only my spirituality but my belief in the innate good of all men and women.
I'm a firm believer in a separation between church and state.
Religion to me is very important not really in the way of meditation prayer and ritual (though I want to make that a larger part of my life) but as a guide for the way I live. I used to listen to a podcast called Pagan Living, and she told you exactly that, how to live pagan. Not just do a ceremony on full moons or things like that but trying to be a good pagan every day through my actions. I'm happy I found a path that's as accepting as I did. Sexuality in paganism is not a dirty hidden disgusting part of us, but a celebrated and wonderful and magical and spiritual part of every one of our beings' no matter who it is with. Homosexuality is as celebrated and supported as heterosexuality.
In defense of Satanism, though it may seem like a "all for #1" philosophy, it's really about satisfaction and what people earn from you. A Satanist will be your best friend because you have earned trust and loyalty from them. This is hardly thinking only for yourself. Just playing devil's advocate. (Hehe, I made a funny...)
GOD LOVES US ALL: I Hate When People Harm Others In God's Name (Adaeze)
I was raised Catholic and will start attending church regularly again. I'm a Christian, I believe in God, but I don't believe in a lot of Christian ideology, especially with the treatment of homosexuals and so on. I do know deep down in my heart that God loves us all and created us purposefully. I hate when people use God's name for war or say that whatever they are doing (no matter how wrong it is) God is backing them up. I know God is just ROTFL-ing.
I would marry someone of a different religion because the core of all religions are the same. I want to study as many religions as possible so I can fully understand them. The only religion I don't like is Satanism. I know it is about thinking about only yourself but I'm a put-others-before-yourself kind of person and I couldn't deal with such an idea.
I would marry someone of a different religion because the core of all religions are the same. I want to study as many religions as possible so I can fully understand them. The only religion I don't like is Satanism. I know it is about thinking about only yourself but I'm a put-others-before-yourself kind of person and I couldn't deal with such an idea.
INDEPENDENT INTERPRETATION: I Favor Solitary Practice Over Organized Religion (James)
From birth to age 5, I was raised as a Methodist and attended Sunday School and church every week. When my family stopped going to church, I remember missing all the hugging we used to do with our Sunday School classmates before every lesson.
During my darkest hour, the third grade (1995), a.k.a the year when the Maryland district lines were re-drawn and my closest friends were transferred to separate elementary schools, I felt like that there was something missing in my life. I wanted to believe in some kind of higher power; I wanted to feel like I wasn’t alone in the world.
Having been a longtime computer nerd, in my spare time, I would just type names into the interactive Merriam-Webster Dictionary. I was fascinated by the literary origins of my friends’ names. It was enlightening to see how, for the most part, we’ve earned names from mythical beings. I embraced those stories and called upon those figures (mainly Greek and Roman gods) for guidance.
Eventually this fascination with mythology and magic led me to start purchasing books on Wicca. For the longest time, I believed that I could control the weather with the power of my mind; I always thought that would be a cool ability to have. I also got really good at reading tarot cards. My faith made me a happier person, but when I had a bad experience during a solitary ritual (involving 6 golden spiders crawling over my body), I completely abandoned it.
During my junior year, some friends of mine started the GAIA Pagan Society, and just being around such enthusiastic, positive people re-affirmed my faith and made me want to practice again. Since the pagan religion values sexuality of all kinds and it is thought that states of sexual ecstasy bring followers closer to the Goddess and the God, homosexuality is perfectly acceptable.
Religion isn’t a huge part of my life, but I do think that everyone should believe in something, meaning some higher power. I’m not a huge fan of organized religion; I prefer solitary practice, and it’s comforting to know that I have a one-on-one connection with a divine being. I wouldn’t mind if my partner weren’t religious at all, and I wouldn’t try to force my beliefs onto him. However, if he were a ”crazy Christian” who spouted off slogans like “Hate the sin, Not the sinner,” then that would probably cause major problems in our relationship.
During my darkest hour, the third grade (1995), a.k.a the year when the Maryland district lines were re-drawn and my closest friends were transferred to separate elementary schools, I felt like that there was something missing in my life. I wanted to believe in some kind of higher power; I wanted to feel like I wasn’t alone in the world.
Having been a longtime computer nerd, in my spare time, I would just type names into the interactive Merriam-Webster Dictionary. I was fascinated by the literary origins of my friends’ names. It was enlightening to see how, for the most part, we’ve earned names from mythical beings. I embraced those stories and called upon those figures (mainly Greek and Roman gods) for guidance.
Eventually this fascination with mythology and magic led me to start purchasing books on Wicca. For the longest time, I believed that I could control the weather with the power of my mind; I always thought that would be a cool ability to have. I also got really good at reading tarot cards. My faith made me a happier person, but when I had a bad experience during a solitary ritual (involving 6 golden spiders crawling over my body), I completely abandoned it.
During my junior year, some friends of mine started the GAIA Pagan Society, and just being around such enthusiastic, positive people re-affirmed my faith and made me want to practice again. Since the pagan religion values sexuality of all kinds and it is thought that states of sexual ecstasy bring followers closer to the Goddess and the God, homosexuality is perfectly acceptable.
Religion isn’t a huge part of my life, but I do think that everyone should believe in something, meaning some higher power. I’m not a huge fan of organized religion; I prefer solitary practice, and it’s comforting to know that I have a one-on-one connection with a divine being. I wouldn’t mind if my partner weren’t religious at all, and I wouldn’t try to force my beliefs onto him. However, if he were a ”crazy Christian” who spouted off slogans like “Hate the sin, Not the sinner,” then that would probably cause major problems in our relationship.
WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT: You Believe in God? Good for You! (Nelly)
So my mother is Episcopalian and my father's Baptist. My brother was baptized, and my sisters and I weren't.
The last time I was in a church was for my ex-girlfriend, as she asked me to go to her parents' church with her. It was... very weird, to say the least. Because they were all sorts of Nigerian and very firm believers in their faith. And, because of the accents, I couldn't understand half of what the pastor was saying.
Prior to that, I only went to churches for funerals and never felt very comfortable in them. Especially not after I visited a cousin's and felt like a piece of dirt while I was there (the kids didn't really play nice, and the Sunday school teacher wasn't any better).
So, it's safe to say, I don't exactly practice any religion. I'm more of a "you believe in God? Good for you!" kind of person. My family's pretty religious though (at least my immediate sister is... she goes to church semi-regularly with her friends).
Christianity seems to have that love/hate relationship with homosexuality. My minister friend feels like people still cling to this more outdated view of homosexuality. "We're all sinners, so how is one sin better than another?" she tells me when we get into a religion discussion.
I've never converted to any religion. Ever. My ex-girlfriend and I actually got into a row about this, as she told me one evening that she couldn't be with a non-Christian, and in my eyes I wasn't. And that bothered me greatly, as I felt like religion shouldn't dictate how you feel about someone. So I attempted to be more "Christian" for her, which just made me feel like a poser so I stopped that. Because religion doesn't play a role in my life like that.
Suffice to say, I thought religion wouldn't play into my partner's importance, but I guess I learned that I was wrong. It's a major turn-off to have someone "give up" their religion for you after they tell you to your face you're not religious enough for her. And y'know, to be the *cause* of such an internal dilemma like that sucks too.
The last time I was in a church was for my ex-girlfriend, as she asked me to go to her parents' church with her. It was... very weird, to say the least. Because they were all sorts of Nigerian and very firm believers in their faith. And, because of the accents, I couldn't understand half of what the pastor was saying.
Prior to that, I only went to churches for funerals and never felt very comfortable in them. Especially not after I visited a cousin's and felt like a piece of dirt while I was there (the kids didn't really play nice, and the Sunday school teacher wasn't any better).
So, it's safe to say, I don't exactly practice any religion. I'm more of a "you believe in God? Good for you!" kind of person. My family's pretty religious though (at least my immediate sister is... she goes to church semi-regularly with her friends).
Christianity seems to have that love/hate relationship with homosexuality. My minister friend feels like people still cling to this more outdated view of homosexuality. "We're all sinners, so how is one sin better than another?" she tells me when we get into a religion discussion.
I've never converted to any religion. Ever. My ex-girlfriend and I actually got into a row about this, as she told me one evening that she couldn't be with a non-Christian, and in my eyes I wasn't. And that bothered me greatly, as I felt like religion shouldn't dictate how you feel about someone. So I attempted to be more "Christian" for her, which just made me feel like a poser so I stopped that. Because religion doesn't play a role in my life like that.
Suffice to say, I thought religion wouldn't play into my partner's importance, but I guess I learned that I was wrong. It's a major turn-off to have someone "give up" their religion for you after they tell you to your face you're not religious enough for her. And y'know, to be the *cause* of such an internal dilemma like that sucks too.
SEARCHING FOR SPIRITUALITY: Everything From Zen Buddhism to Voodoo (Jaimie)
I have a long religious history. I was born atheist, went through all of the requirements for Lutheranism, spent a year in Zen Buddhism, did a few years in Wicca, moved on to Voodoo, and am now back to atheist.
With that said, organized religion bothers me a lot. It seems to do a great deal against gays and gay rights, and extremely devoted people who utilize religion in that way disturb me. I am also disenchanted with the amount of religion-based war we have in this world and the amount of money thrown around. The more the cult-like devotion, the more I am turned away. I wouldn't mind if religion never existed, though I would never advocate taking it away from people.
I have trouble understanding the more accepting parts of religions like Christianity, such as the churches geared towards GLBT people, because of all the negativity I have seen from religion. As for the less mainstream spiritual paths, such as Wicca, I understand the attraction of a GLBT person to such things. However, I personally have trouble accepting any spiritual path in my own life.
The spirituality of my partner is partially important. I don't mind if my partner is spiritual, especially if it is one of the less mainstream, more accepting paths, but I would prefer if she wasn't. I might have a problem if she was VERY religious. I do not want to raise religious children, which would be a point of concern.
Most of my reason for being an atheist comes from the horrible things I see going on in this world, especially in Africa. I have trouble believing that a god would let that happen.
Overall, there is really no place for religion in my life, and the last thing I need is another addictive substance.
With that said, organized religion bothers me a lot. It seems to do a great deal against gays and gay rights, and extremely devoted people who utilize religion in that way disturb me. I am also disenchanted with the amount of religion-based war we have in this world and the amount of money thrown around. The more the cult-like devotion, the more I am turned away. I wouldn't mind if religion never existed, though I would never advocate taking it away from people.
I have trouble understanding the more accepting parts of religions like Christianity, such as the churches geared towards GLBT people, because of all the negativity I have seen from religion. As for the less mainstream spiritual paths, such as Wicca, I understand the attraction of a GLBT person to such things. However, I personally have trouble accepting any spiritual path in my own life.
The spirituality of my partner is partially important. I don't mind if my partner is spiritual, especially if it is one of the less mainstream, more accepting paths, but I would prefer if she wasn't. I might have a problem if she was VERY religious. I do not want to raise religious children, which would be a point of concern.
Most of my reason for being an atheist comes from the horrible things I see going on in this world, especially in Africa. I have trouble believing that a god would let that happen.
Overall, there is really no place for religion in my life, and the last thing I need is another addictive substance.
UNWAVERING FAITH IN GOD: I'm More Religious Than My Family (Miranda)
I was baptized a Roman Catholic and I'm still going strong. My family is sort of religious; we'd go to church when I was younger, and I went through the standard First Communion and Confirmation classes. After my younger brother went through that, my family stopped going to church, though both my parents still profess to be Catholics. So somehow I'm now more religious than they are -- I'm the only one who attends church regularly. Weird how that turned out.
Of course, Catholicism is well-known for not being too friendly to homosexuality -- the whole thing about marriage being a sacred bond between a man and a woman and all that. Homosexuality is viewed as something unnatural because sex is for the purposes of procreation. (I disagree, of course, but I'm still Catholic.) The Church does say, however, that prejudice against homosexuals is wrong.
So even though my views about homosexuality are unorthodox as far as the Church is concerned, my religion is still a huge and very important part of my life. Prayers, church, and so on. I strive for religion without the hypocrisy and proselytization. I stand by what I believe and don't compromise. (Or, at least, I hope I don't.)
I don't care if my partner shares my religious beliefs or not. What matters most to me is that she is open-minded -- that she isn't bothered by my religious quirks and that, if she is non-religious or of a different faith, she doesn't try to convert me to her own beliefs (or lack thereof).
Of course, Catholicism is well-known for not being too friendly to homosexuality -- the whole thing about marriage being a sacred bond between a man and a woman and all that. Homosexuality is viewed as something unnatural because sex is for the purposes of procreation. (I disagree, of course, but I'm still Catholic.) The Church does say, however, that prejudice against homosexuals is wrong.
So even though my views about homosexuality are unorthodox as far as the Church is concerned, my religion is still a huge and very important part of my life. Prayers, church, and so on. I strive for religion without the hypocrisy and proselytization. I stand by what I believe and don't compromise. (Or, at least, I hope I don't.)
I don't care if my partner shares my religious beliefs or not. What matters most to me is that she is open-minded -- that she isn't bothered by my religious quirks and that, if she is non-religious or of a different faith, she doesn't try to convert me to her own beliefs (or lack thereof).
DISCRETION: TMI, My Friend (Adaeze)
I came out to my friends first during high school, so they were all cool. I hang with guys more than I do with girls, but that’s because I share more interests with my guy friends than my girl friends. I'm a very blunt and open person so I talk about everything. The only person I had to censor myself with was my roommate this past semester, I felt that she might be a little uncomfortable.
I'm a virgin to meeting and dating people so I have nothing to talk about but if I went on a date with a girl and someone asks for the details I would tell them the nitty gritty but if we had sex I wouldn't give all those details I'd just say we had sex, same if I dated some guy. I wouldn't want to know how many sex positions someone and his/her lover did in an hour. All I would ask is if the sex was good, sympathize if it was bad, and that's it! No more please!
I'm a virgin to meeting and dating people so I have nothing to talk about but if I went on a date with a girl and someone asks for the details I would tell them the nitty gritty but if we had sex I wouldn't give all those details I'd just say we had sex, same if I dated some guy. I wouldn't want to know how many sex positions someone and his/her lover did in an hour. All I would ask is if the sex was good, sympathize if it was bad, and that's it! No more please!
TRAILBLAZER: I Came Out and Several Friends Followed Suit (Nelly)
See, being a short, black, butch lesbian kinda makes you out and auto-homo, so being gay? Pfft, I'm sure most of my friends knew before I even told them. In fact, I don't think I ever sat any of them down and had "The Talk" with them. I just... confirmed their suspicions after sophomore year in high school.
A lot of my friends... are straight girls or gay boys. I know maybe a handful of straight guys that I can say I'm close to as well. As for the not-so-straight girls... there's a few of them too, and a few of the lesbians that I'm actually *friends* with, if that's even possible in the lesbian circles!
If I lost friends because of my sexuality, that's on them. Most are very accepting of it, because it's just one facet of my personality. Of course, it's also my most raunchy side (if I don't have a girlfriend), so a lot of my sorority sisters (especially my poor little) are on the hunt for a girl who can tame it. Most of my sorority tease me relentlessly about being gay, and I've chided them a few times about pausing and then saying "...Or girls" and giving me a look.
I think after I "came out," a bunch of friends followed suit. Or they turned to me and disclosed their bisexuality to me in some instances. I guess I'm more of a trailblazer than I originally thought.
As for talking about crushes and the like... I've never hid it. But I don't really talk about them either, because I don't want to jinx myself. I disclose the potentials to a few key people, and then try and introduce the actual (when it happens) to as many of them as possible to show her they're accepting and a big part of my life as well. As for romance.... I don't really talk about my romantic side with anyone. That's my secret side, as I'm supposed to be a badass. They know about it though, so they're only allowed glimpses of it.
And sex... well they'll hit me with the straight coupling stories, so it's only fair I fire back with some of my excursions as well. And my gay boys... I've been subjected to some mental images from them! It's all good though, because for every penis image I get, they get twice as much in vagina stories. The straight guys understand they can't join, so sometimes I tell them what I've been up to with the ladies. Straight girls are the worst though, because they always want details.
I've never been on a group date I don't think. So I can't say for sure if it'd be awkward to go out with a straight couple or the gay boys. I think the gay boys would make for great entertainment on a group date though.
I don't think I've "modified" my behavior around anyone except for my family. I'm the same person around everyone. And the only reason I "modify" my behavior around my family is because I don't feel like getting into arguments with my mother at every given turn.
Some days I wish I had a censor! My poor little gets a lot of my raunchy side because I don't see my raunchiest of my sorority sisters very often. I hang out with my friends in public and private settings, so they see me as who I am.
A lot of my friends... are straight girls or gay boys. I know maybe a handful of straight guys that I can say I'm close to as well. As for the not-so-straight girls... there's a few of them too, and a few of the lesbians that I'm actually *friends* with, if that's even possible in the lesbian circles!
If I lost friends because of my sexuality, that's on them. Most are very accepting of it, because it's just one facet of my personality. Of course, it's also my most raunchy side (if I don't have a girlfriend), so a lot of my sorority sisters (especially my poor little) are on the hunt for a girl who can tame it. Most of my sorority tease me relentlessly about being gay, and I've chided them a few times about pausing and then saying "...Or girls" and giving me a look.
I think after I "came out," a bunch of friends followed suit. Or they turned to me and disclosed their bisexuality to me in some instances. I guess I'm more of a trailblazer than I originally thought.
As for talking about crushes and the like... I've never hid it. But I don't really talk about them either, because I don't want to jinx myself. I disclose the potentials to a few key people, and then try and introduce the actual (when it happens) to as many of them as possible to show her they're accepting and a big part of my life as well. As for romance.... I don't really talk about my romantic side with anyone. That's my secret side, as I'm supposed to be a badass. They know about it though, so they're only allowed glimpses of it.
And sex... well they'll hit me with the straight coupling stories, so it's only fair I fire back with some of my excursions as well. And my gay boys... I've been subjected to some mental images from them! It's all good though, because for every penis image I get, they get twice as much in vagina stories. The straight guys understand they can't join, so sometimes I tell them what I've been up to with the ladies. Straight girls are the worst though, because they always want details.
I've never been on a group date I don't think. So I can't say for sure if it'd be awkward to go out with a straight couple or the gay boys. I think the gay boys would make for great entertainment on a group date though.
I don't think I've "modified" my behavior around anyone except for my family. I'm the same person around everyone. And the only reason I "modify" my behavior around my family is because I don't feel like getting into arguments with my mother at every given turn.
Some days I wish I had a censor! My poor little gets a lot of my raunchy side because I don't see my raunchiest of my sorority sisters very often. I hang out with my friends in public and private settings, so they see me as who I am.
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