COMING OUT IN NIGERIA: I Would Lose Everything (Adaeze)

I'm the eldest of four: my sister is 17, and my two brothers are 14 and 15. I live in a single parent home with my mum. Also my aunt (mother's younger sister) lives with us too.

My mum is the oldest and she pressures me to be just like her. All the women in my house are girly, except for me. I like girly crap but I don't go overboard with it like my sister. Oh FYI, my mum compares me to my sister all the time b/c they are very much alike but in truth my mum and I are exactly the same person.

My family is close in that we get into each other’s business but we do our own thing at the same time. I'm the closest with my sister b/c we tell each other almost everything. I can't talk to my mum because we always end up arguing.

During my sophomore year, I told my friends from high school that I was bi, then my sister and lastly, my mum. Oh boy, that was the worst conversation ever!

During the day of my coming out to her, I was very moody then I told her I wanted to talk to her in my room. We sat there for a bit then I burst out crying she hugged me and asked what was wrong and I whimpered that I was bisexual. It was then I felt her stiffen. Although she didn’t say anything, I knew she didn't accept me. Later, she came back screaming that I was “a big fat lesbian!” How could she have a big fat lesbian for a daughter?! It hurt me because she was attacking not only my sexuality but also my weight. I still today have body image issues and by using it against me, it threw me into a deeper depression that I was suffering from since middle school. I tried to kill myself a month after that...

She began to ask if any of my friends were lesbians and so on. None of them were except one who was also bisexual but I didn't tell her that.

That event messed up my relationship with my mum in that I don't tell her anything. I still love her and we talk but I can't trust her anymore. She's been trying to push guys onto me ever since I told her so yeah...

My brothers may or may not know but if they ask me then I'd tell them.

My aunt, sigh, will never know because we don't get along at all. She is very religious in a sort of bad way.

I'm from Nigeria, which is a very religious country where homosexuality is viewed as a sin and can be even be punishable by death in some areas. So I'm afraid that my entire family will disown me so none of them know.

One of my mother's sisters is actually gay but she was harassed so much by my mum's side that she turned to God and married but anyone can look at her and see she is miserable. She actually fell in love with some girl and was planning to run away together but my mum's parents got wind of it and stopped her. She gave birth to my lovely cousin but she is sooo unhappy.

There is one aunt of mine who is like a second mother to me but I'm terrified of coming out to her because if she rejected me I'd be alone in Nigeria.

BABY OF THE FAMILY: I Learned From Their Mistakes (James)

I'm the youngest of 3 kids. I've got an older sister, Jiselle (26 y.o.) and an older brother (also 26 y.o.). Although my parents have fought and argued EVERY single day of my life, they're still married. I'm not sure why... but they are. At least by arguing, it's obvious that they care and have strong feelings toward each other. I hate that a couple of my own relationships fell into this same pattern with disastrous results. :(

Everyone in family is self-sufficient. We all have our secrets, we all have our own hidden talents and dreams. My mother is everyone's confidant... but the rest of us don't really talk to each other unless we have to. Even though I trust my mother, I'm not comfortable with confiding in her anymore because her primary allegiance is to my dad. That's the only reason why I didn't tell her sooner about my sexuality.

My sister had several serious lesbian relationships, even "dreamed of marrying a woman," but she's had her heart broken so many times that she has gone back to men. She gave birth to my beautiful niece/goddaughter, Ava, last November, and is expected to get married sometime this year. =D I'm genuinely happy for her, but I just hope she isn't settling.

I didn't really feel pressured to act as a role model to my siblings but I wanted to be a role model in school for other kids. If nothing, the word I've heard since age 5 is "gentleman."

Fortunately, since I'm the youngest, the least screwed-up (if you can believe that), and the first one to go to college, I found it fairly easy to come out to my family... I just wish that it had been on my own terms.

All in all, I think everyone but my father has accepted me for who I am. My mother, sister, and brother have all been surprisingly supportive. Well, they have known all along, after all. My dad, however, refuses to even acknowledge the subject, and that just hurts.