I'M AN OLD-FASHIONED GAY BOY: I Don't Put Out On The First Date (James)

Typically, I'm more likely to make the first move and ask someone out... and it sucks. I wish guys understood how much courage and humility it takes to ask someone out, but unfortunately, most of the guys around here would much rather sit back and wait.

If I like a guy, ideally, he must be OPENLY gay. That's the minimum risk situation, so I would typically wait about a month or two to make a move. If he's only out to a few people, then I probably would wait 6 months or I'd abandon the crush completely. If he's closeted, then it's totally up to him to make the effort. I've learned the hard way about the consequences of letting a closeted guy know that you like him. Statistically, I think I pursue 1 out of every 4 crushes I have at any given time.

When I do go on dates, I try to look my absolute best, which entails a lot of extra maintenance (eg. manscaping, lotion on the back, etc). Although I'd say I don't date very often, I haven't really gone two months without going on a date. Usually, I'd bring a date back to my dorm room, we'd order pizza, watch a movie, talk, dot dot dot.

Whenever I go OUT for a dinner date, we split the check. As we date more and more, sometimes I'll offer to pick up the check and he'll pick it up the next time. Sometimes I have felt uncomfortable bringing a guy to a restaurant, especially because of how tourist-y this town is... not everyone in the world is as accepting as the people on the Gettysburg College campus.

All my best dates were in the comfort of my old room, Lahm-10. I had music, the mood lighting, a huge DVD collection, and delicious pizza courtesy of La Bella Italia, a local restaurant. I've had dates that have gone on for well over 7 hours in that room. It was so comfortable and romantic that no one ever wanted to leave.

I'd say 1st base is hand-holding/footsie, 2nd base is hugging/on top of the clothes action, 3rd base is open-mouth kissing, and Home base would be any kind of sex. That said, I'm a traditional gay boy, and one of my "rules" is that I don't have sex on the first date.

Usually, I'm the one who's more likely to make the first move physically. Although I never used to enjoy kissing people (especially with tongue), now I'm perfectly fine with kissing a guy on or even before the first date. Not having sex on the first date doesn't guarantee that I'll put out on the second; it's all on a case-by-case basis. Usually, when I'm in a relationship, it takes less than a week for us to go to bed with each other.

For the longest time I was just playing the Dating Game, "slutting it up" to my heart's content, but lately, I've become more relationship-minded and more picky about who I date. Seriously, if a potential relationship doesn't have a future, then why even start dating?

I've never been in a long-term relationship, even though my first "boyfriend" and I courted each other for three years before getting serious. My longest relationship with a girl lasted 3 months and my longest relationship with a guy lasted about 4 months (but that's debatable). None of my gay friends are currently in long-term relationships. Hell, none of my gay friends have been in HEALTHY gay relationships for over a year.

When I'm dating someone and I think the relationship has a future, EVERYONE knows. I shout it to the mountain tops, write about it in my blog, and brag to anyone who'll listen. This is probably the biggest reason why I've chased so many men away. Openness, honesty, and loyalty are the three most important virtues I look for in a man, and only once have I even come close to finding the guy with all three.

Not until this past summer had I been in a gay long distance relationship... it sucked because it was a relationship without the thing I treasured most, the physical intimacy. Ironically, that's what made a LDR so appealing to me as a teen when I had several online girlfriends. I'd always call things off as soon as they mentioned flying to Tronica, MD (a town I made up for one of my stories) to meet me in-person. *cringe*

Once again, my public persona and excessive honesty are probably my most common relationship killers. Usually, I stay friends with my exes--not CLOSE friends--but friends nonetheless. In one special case, one of my ex-girlfriends and I didn't speak to each other for over a year in high school. Having not told her that my sexuality was the reason why I was distant, I must've made her feel so ugly, unattractive, and unworthy of love. And to this day, I regret that. Luckily, after that long period of silence followed by a period of bickering, we've now rekindled our close friendship and talk regularly via FaceBook.

As I've gotten older, I try to deal with breakups in a more mature fashion. Just because you break up doesn't mean you have to hate each other's guts... or at least, you don't have to show it.