GOOD RIDDANCE: If My Sexuality Was the Reason, Then They Were Never My Friends in the First Place (James)

Thanks to the magic of FaceBook, MySpace, and personal conversations of course, I'm completely out to my friends. The vast majority of my close friends are girls, and I'd say about half of them have been completely accepting. To clarify, when I say half, I mean half of my friends from Pasadena; the Gettysburg ones have been 100% supportive since the start.

I've lost quite a few old friends after coming out, but I suspect that they were more upset because I'd been lying to them for years, so they never knew the "real me." Or maybe they were offended because back then, I just assumed that they were too close-minded/untrustworthy for me to tell them my secret. But if they ONLY reason they dropped me was because I'm gay, then they were never my friends in the first place. And Good Riddance!

I think a lot of my Gettysburg friends are happy to have an openly gay friend, and I've never had a friend make a derogatory comment in my presence. I'd snatch their eyeballs out if they did, but they haven't.

I'm comfortable talking to my guy and girl friends about crushes that I have, but when it comes to dating and romance, I prefer to confide in my girls... since they tend to appreciate that sort of thing. Straight guys don't seem to be enthusiastic about the gushy stuff.

Sex is a touchy subject, but I try to be honest about it with my friends. However, I CONSTANTLY find myself filtering what I say, so that I won't emotionally scar anyone with the mental images, especially straight guys. Right off the bat, I don't like to introduce a date to my friends, unless I'm confident that the relationship has a future. Otherwise, I know they'll never let me live down last month's Fuck-and-Run.

I think group dates are awkward and lame, especially when it's the 1st date. When it comes to a first date, I'd much rather meet with a guy, one-on-one, without having to worry about what our straight friends might think. Once we've gone out a few times alone and become a confident couple, then we can go out with our friends and just be our uninhibited selves.

It's strange but I think I do modify my behavior around my straight friends as opposed to my gays. With the gays, I can completely turn off the filter and be as nasty as I want, but with my straight friends, I try to respect the fact that they're already AWESOME for accepting ideas of gay romance but hardcore gay sex... that takes some time. If we're in a public setting, I'd be more likely to censor myself with the straights, because I wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea about them.

I'll say it again: it's a strange issue, because even the most pride-filled gays do it subconsciously at times, sometimes out of habit or as a reflex.